It is certainly a full moon today. According to the Cardiologist I did not do permanent damage to the pacemaker with my stupidity. He did suggest with a straight face that I unplug it next time. He also agrees with Scott and banned me from riding the mechanical bull. He only shook his head when I told him about the Trapeze Lesson. He also said forty is the new twenty and I asked if he could show me that in one of his medical journals and then maybe I would believe it.
I am in my third week of dieting and exercising. No, it is not getting easier, I think it is getting harder. Where is that endorphin high they talk about, what a bunch of crap. If you can't tell, I will warn you, I am cranky, because I am hungry and Hot Yoga was very challenging tonight. Here is what I learned about diets and Hot Yoga this week:
1 - somehow tonight it was hotter than any other class, maybe it was the 45 people in the room
2 - it is possible for one class to smell worst than another, It reeked, breathing thru my nose was a very big challenge. I sprinted out of the building when class was over.
3 - If you have diarrhea within an hour of splurging on Taco Time, do those weightwatcher points count?
4 - Doing hot Yoga within an hour of number three is a bad idea. You will feel like puking and end up with a headache. #2 did not help
5 - the Weightwatchers 3 point blond brownie recipe is excellent, until you see the size of a 3 point serving. That is great that it taste good, not so great if you eat the entire pan.
6 - When you finally get your leg into a pose and you look around wanting to cheer, no one cares
7 - I don't mind having friends in the class, my friend's husband, Stewart, was there tonight. Again I felt better knowing someone was there that could call Scott if someone needed to claim the body
8 - screaming "open the door" in your mind does not make the instructor open the door
9 - A fresh pedicure does help you with the Yoga postures
Tonight's Yoga class was a feast of characters! I think that there should be a reality tv show about people that take Hot Yoga. The cast of characters is as diverse as the Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Flavors. (I am hungry) There are many new characters to add to our cast. Disclaimer "A" - All characters are based on my observations of real people. Any similarity to people you may know could be more than coincidental. If you recognize someone or yourself, then go with Disclaimer "B" - all characters are fictional.
"Ken" - Yoga Barbie could find her soulmate this week at two of my classes. He is tall, blond and wore nothing but shiny purple spandex bootie shorts. Yes, he and Ken were also anatomically the same. Thankfully he stood near Stewart and not me or giggling would have been difficult to suppress.
"Dolly" - Okay, I take back what I said about all Yoga experts being flat chested (except Jenny's magnificent set and snoring man). Dolly was there tonight. Again, I don't know how Stewart could concentrate. She was far away from me and when I spotted her I literally froze with my mouth hanging open. White vneck halter sports bra. Small women with huge basketballs hanging at the bottom of the net! I can not believe they didn't pop out! Talk about a lesson in gravity. That poor woman.
"Lolli" - right in front of me. Tramp Stamp of a Lollipop like you see at Disneyland, right at the top of her waistband, perfect swirl circle, stick must be down the you know what. It seem to change colors as she sweat, cool, I didn't know tattoos could do that. The entire class the song "lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lolli" was going round and round my mind. It wasn't until the end when the pants had inched down did I see to my great disappointment that there was no stick, just the circle.
"Andy" - Next to me was Andy Kaufman tonight. Looks just like him. I kept wanting to turn to him and say "are you goofing on Elvis tonight?". Nothing like having Latka sweat buckets next to you.
Five days left....
No comments:
Post a Comment