Have you watched Toddlers and Tiaras? Well, it is not quite as extreme as that but Competitive Dance can be some of the best people watching ever. As I type I am sitting in the hotel lobby at the Westin in Downtown Seattle. Angel and I have been having a great time enjoying our own company and periodically other dance mommies company. We were here from 6:00 pm until 10:00 pm last night and back in Seattle at 7:15 this morning. We knew it would be a good dance weekend when it started with a trip to the lobby bar within 5 minutes of dropping the girls off in the dressing rooms. We had a blast watching and critiquing all the other studios in the competition last night. Simon Cowel has nothing on us. I snort laughed so many times I thought there was a farm animal in our aisle. You can't help it when you or your friend say something like "those pants are an unfortunate choice for a costume" or "that poor boy is going to get his ass kicked in high school"
We are tired. Now the trip to Top Pot Donuts where I proceeded to pull out a thermos of Baileys and offer to spike every ones coffee, well that may have something to do with the strong need to nap right now. Basically our role here is to serve our daughters. Like the hired help. Not only do we get to pay large amounts of money for the privilege of being on a team, we get to sit for hours watching dance after dance, bring them lunch and snacks, put on make up, eyelashes and do their hair. See why I live to embarrass her? It is pay back for the dance mommy servitude.
After doing this for six years now, I have to say this is the most relaxed year ever for me. Even with all of the other stress in my life, dance has been a nice enjoyable anchor. Part of it is the people. Angel and I were commenting on how some mommies show up at 7 am, fully decked out. Designer clothes, full make up and hair and jewelry. Really? It was all I could do to shower this morning and get my medical id bracelet on. I am sorry but if I am going to run around and also sit for hours I am going for comfort; no heels, tennis shoes, yoga pants, tshirt, sweatshirt, pony tail. Wait that is pretty much me every day. Angel and I were making fun of ourselves and our matching outfits. She said it was worse in Texas where they used to live. The women would dress to the nines at football games and then say passive aggressive things like "Angel, you are so silly" "look at your simple clothes" "You are so confident to dress like that" We have also heard: "You just don't care what people think, that is so great" People say Northwesterners are so polite, wrong!
Let me translate what they are really saying "I am so glad you dress like a slob, it makes me look good" or "I wish I could wear comfortable clothes too but my self esteem is way too low"
Love it! I told her I want to go get this tshirt made next door at the mall that says "I would love to chat, but you are a total bitch". That should be what I wear sitting in the lobby!
Bottom Line, the girls are having an amazing time dancing with pros from the shows "so you think you can dance" and the new lead in the remake of movie "footloose".
So while those mommies spend their day shopping at Nordstroms trying to find the perfect outfit, walking around Seattle in their high heeled uncomfortable boots; Angel and I will walk to Top Pot Donuts for the second time with our draw string pants and sneakers. Who do you really think will have more fun?
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Adventures of Dawn
Seriously I swear I don't make any of this up, this is the stuff that actually happens in my life. So I was sound asleep in the guest bedroom, referred to in our house as "the blue room" or "mom's cave". I have this lovely red Pottery Barn Day Bed under the window. Lots of pillows, an ipod player and my pile of books on the nightstand right next to my bottle of Ambien. I stayed up too late again last night chatting with Tamese, searching the internet, blogging, playing lexulous and registering my Heart Walk Team. I am highly productive at night! Wish that Ambien would just knock me out! I finally fell asleep about 1:00. I had warm pajamas, lots of blankets and cracked the window to enjoy the fresh crisp snowy air. All of a sudden I heard the scraping of metal and was fully awake (which if you have ever witnessed a morning with me, that is quite a feat, I don't wake quickly) The dog was on red alert too. My cell phone said it was 5:00 am. I kneeled under the window and looked out. I expected to see the black bear that had recently been photographed at a neighbors. I thought maybe he might be trying to open the door of my minivan and get all the leftover crap the kids leave all over the darn van. We had received City Alerts lately about a rash of car prowls and Garage thefts. Our area has a habit of leaving their doors open. What I saw was a Medium sized, yellow, Penske, Moving Truck Parked in front of the neighbors dark house across the culdesac. It blocked my view of their porch and garage doors. I could hear what sounded like stolen goods being loaded into the back of the van. I then spotted a person with a headlamp, it appeared they were coming from the side of the neighbor's house. I know the kids at that house go to private school maybe they are away on Spring Break. Yes, I grabbed my cell phone and called 911.
"911, What is your emergency?"
"I think my neighbors house is being robbed by a moving van. Well, I mean a guy driving a moving van"
"What are they doing" "I can't tell, the neighbors might be out of town, but why would a moving van be at their house at 5 in the morning"
"We have three officers on their way" ( I love that the City of Sammamish has such low crime that I get the entire force to respond )
" Oh, no, hurry, they heard me talking and now they are running to the truck and have started the engine. They are leaving"
"mam, which way are they heading"
I run to the master bedroom on the back of the house. "Scott wake the hell up, the neighbors house just got robbed" "The Truck is heading down Main towards the traffic circle and they are driving really fast, tell them to hurry!" "Do you want my husband to follow them?"
"NO! Do not follow them" "Ok, we got the truck stopped, an officer will be contacting you shortly"
"Ok, let me call the neighbor and see if they are home"
"Patty? Are you home?" (duh I just called her) "I think you just got robbed, get up. There was a Penske moving truck loading at your house, I called the police."
"Uh, well I did order predawn Amazon Fresh Delivery"
Uh Oh..."Would they deliver it in a moving truck"
Call Waiting.... "This is the police, we have the vehicle, they say they were delivering something"
"Yes the neighbor said they were having Amazon Fresh Delivered and I have walked outside and it is on their porch"
"Yes, this is the neighbor's phone number to confirm "
"My Name?"
No, it is not Gladys Kravitz.
"911, What is your emergency?"
"I think my neighbors house is being robbed by a moving van. Well, I mean a guy driving a moving van"
"What are they doing" "I can't tell, the neighbors might be out of town, but why would a moving van be at their house at 5 in the morning"
"We have three officers on their way" ( I love that the City of Sammamish has such low crime that I get the entire force to respond )
" Oh, no, hurry, they heard me talking and now they are running to the truck and have started the engine. They are leaving"
"mam, which way are they heading"
I run to the master bedroom on the back of the house. "Scott wake the hell up, the neighbors house just got robbed" "The Truck is heading down Main towards the traffic circle and they are driving really fast, tell them to hurry!" "Do you want my husband to follow them?"
"NO! Do not follow them" "Ok, we got the truck stopped, an officer will be contacting you shortly"
"Ok, let me call the neighbor and see if they are home"
"Patty? Are you home?" (duh I just called her) "I think you just got robbed, get up. There was a Penske moving truck loading at your house, I called the police."
"Uh, well I did order predawn Amazon Fresh Delivery"
Uh Oh..."Would they deliver it in a moving truck"
Call Waiting.... "This is the police, we have the vehicle, they say they were delivering something"
"Yes the neighbor said they were having Amazon Fresh Delivered and I have walked outside and it is on their porch"
"Yes, this is the neighbor's phone number to confirm "
"My Name?"
No, it is not Gladys Kravitz.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Spring Break...
Of course my kids complained all week about how boring Spring Break was and how so and so was in Hawaii, and so and so was in California. Well hey kids, we did fun stuff too, HELLO. Budget conscious much,children? Mommy needs a new job. But aren't you happy I am home for you?
Older child: "No, I want you back to work so we are not poor, I can dance and I want another pair of vans" Younger child, he won't fail me" "Yeah mom, I want some more ds games, so maybe you should get a new job" Nice, I have made such an impression on my children, so I was going to give them some fun things to talk about for their Spring Break. See "this is how we roll" for our day in Seattle. For gosh sakes we broke up a drug deal? Hmm, did the Smiths do that in Maui?
Then we went swimming with the Spencers at the Gym Pool. I sat and read a book and pretended I had a fruity drink. See kids just like the pool in Vegas.
Then we had movie day at the nice theater, Lincoln and Saw "Hop". As an easter themed movie I brought all the kids goodie bags full of easter candy heaven. When Hayley and I walked in and I saw Karen waving, I waved back and said loudly for all to hear "We are here now the movie can start" My daughter actually kicked me. Oh bring it on. So when a hip dance song came on, Karen and I were dancing erratically with lots of arms in our seats while all the girls tried to pretend not to know us. But they would not go that far since I had the candy. But about halfway into that movie we had to find things to entertain ourselves. Cause clearly we were not getting that 90 minutes of our lives back. I am so having tshirts made for me and Karen that say "embarrassing my children: Just another service I provide" Plus I was giddy for it to be done since I was going to be dropping Hayley with Scott and heading to Hood Canal for my spring break of solitude, books, some collage crafts and Glee marathon.
I was disappointed in most of the Second Season Glee episodes. The Jumping the Shark phrase came to mind. But I did get to collage which is me making use of all the catalogs I get that my spouse bitches about. I rip them up, glue them in a design and paint modge podge on them. I love it! It is my version of knitting. Photo attached is of the Go Red logo. I made this one to inspire me to interview well for that job! Cross your fingers for me!
Older child: "No, I want you back to work so we are not poor, I can dance and I want another pair of vans" Younger child, he won't fail me" "Yeah mom, I want some more ds games, so maybe you should get a new job" Nice, I have made such an impression on my children, so I was going to give them some fun things to talk about for their Spring Break. See "this is how we roll" for our day in Seattle. For gosh sakes we broke up a drug deal? Hmm, did the Smiths do that in Maui?
Then we went swimming with the Spencers at the Gym Pool. I sat and read a book and pretended I had a fruity drink. See kids just like the pool in Vegas.
Then we had movie day at the nice theater, Lincoln and Saw "Hop". As an easter themed movie I brought all the kids goodie bags full of easter candy heaven. When Hayley and I walked in and I saw Karen waving, I waved back and said loudly for all to hear "We are here now the movie can start" My daughter actually kicked me. Oh bring it on. So when a hip dance song came on, Karen and I were dancing erratically with lots of arms in our seats while all the girls tried to pretend not to know us. But they would not go that far since I had the candy. But about halfway into that movie we had to find things to entertain ourselves. Cause clearly we were not getting that 90 minutes of our lives back. I am so having tshirts made for me and Karen that say "embarrassing my children: Just another service I provide" Plus I was giddy for it to be done since I was going to be dropping Hayley with Scott and heading to Hood Canal for my spring break of solitude, books, some collage crafts and Glee marathon.
I was disappointed in most of the Second Season Glee episodes. The Jumping the Shark phrase came to mind. But I did get to collage which is me making use of all the catalogs I get that my spouse bitches about. I rip them up, glue them in a design and paint modge podge on them. I love it! It is my version of knitting. Photo attached is of the Go Red logo. I made this one to inspire me to interview well for that job! Cross your fingers for me!
Need to start moving again....
So my exercise train has slowed down. I am getting in a few classes of bodypump and shbam a week. But it is not enough. The fatigue and the stress of waiting to hear if I can get a job at my dream location is weighing on me. But I am glad that Kristen got me to go Shbam tonight. I almost didn't due to a bad ride with the red curry train at lunch with Tamese. But Kristen and I were there.
It was a large and ecletic group of "flygirl wannabes". Women of all sizes, ages and dancing ability! The thing I noticed today, from my position with K in the back row, besides the flashing butt cracks on those that need to go up a size in their work out pants, was that it seems that there were an abnormal number of shoulder blade tattoos going on. Is this the new trend? Seemed it was the tramp stamp or the lower back butt crack ones for a while. Are those out of vogue now? Age didn't seem to be an issue on the ones I saw today. With my high school drill team training I can follow along pretty accurately and my arms are sharp. Plus if there is any marching in a routine I am all over that.
But I look around and just am amazed at the amount of people in the room that can not even hear the beat or coordinate their left from their right. It does not seem to be an age affliction. Some of the worst ones are the young sorority girl types. Maybe they are too hung over, who knows. But I am telling you it is so good for my ego, Kristen and I actually look decent. We stay on track and we are moving and sweating that is all we can ask for. And when we have to do the "shake em" moves, you know what "em" is. Us chesty, breast fed more than one child, women, we can shake it for sure. We might give ourselves whiplash but we go all out. Today we decided before next week we need to find out what bra Karen uses cause she is well endowed and those babies are so well strapped down they don't move.
The instructor Jen is our favorite. She is fun, she is enthusiastic and she makes me want to perform for her. Except today I was still recovering from my tummy issues so I spent more time being distracted by the other dancers. I was snarky mom tonight. Jen kept catching me smiling and laughing and was like "yes that is what I want to see, smiles and enjoyment of the movement" Uh, no, Jen, sorry I was laughing at that chick in the front that is acting like the white half sister of Beyonce that they keep hidden in the basement. Gasp! Bad DAWN, I know! Sorry.
We ended the class with a Flashdance song, shoot me now, was what I was thinking. And I do not do a conga line ever, so Jen next time you try that fun trick with 40 sweaty people leave me out of it or it's gonna get ugly. At least I like having Kristen there, I know if I pass out she is strong enough to take control and know what to do. Plus she would have my back in an anti-conga line battle.
Okay, I will admit it, it is time to go back to Hot Yoga. It will be like starting over so I better review the start of this blog and "what I learned about hot yoga" before I go again. My hip is not healing with the rest and ice and etc, so I might as well go back to what seem to be working. At least it was so difficult and made me so delusional that I won't notice I am still fat.
It was a large and ecletic group of "flygirl wannabes". Women of all sizes, ages and dancing ability! The thing I noticed today, from my position with K in the back row, besides the flashing butt cracks on those that need to go up a size in their work out pants, was that it seems that there were an abnormal number of shoulder blade tattoos going on. Is this the new trend? Seemed it was the tramp stamp or the lower back butt crack ones for a while. Are those out of vogue now? Age didn't seem to be an issue on the ones I saw today. With my high school drill team training I can follow along pretty accurately and my arms are sharp. Plus if there is any marching in a routine I am all over that.
But I look around and just am amazed at the amount of people in the room that can not even hear the beat or coordinate their left from their right. It does not seem to be an age affliction. Some of the worst ones are the young sorority girl types. Maybe they are too hung over, who knows. But I am telling you it is so good for my ego, Kristen and I actually look decent. We stay on track and we are moving and sweating that is all we can ask for. And when we have to do the "shake em" moves, you know what "em" is. Us chesty, breast fed more than one child, women, we can shake it for sure. We might give ourselves whiplash but we go all out. Today we decided before next week we need to find out what bra Karen uses cause she is well endowed and those babies are so well strapped down they don't move.
The instructor Jen is our favorite. She is fun, she is enthusiastic and she makes me want to perform for her. Except today I was still recovering from my tummy issues so I spent more time being distracted by the other dancers. I was snarky mom tonight. Jen kept catching me smiling and laughing and was like "yes that is what I want to see, smiles and enjoyment of the movement" Uh, no, Jen, sorry I was laughing at that chick in the front that is acting like the white half sister of Beyonce that they keep hidden in the basement. Gasp! Bad DAWN, I know! Sorry.
We ended the class with a Flashdance song, shoot me now, was what I was thinking. And I do not do a conga line ever, so Jen next time you try that fun trick with 40 sweaty people leave me out of it or it's gonna get ugly. At least I like having Kristen there, I know if I pass out she is strong enough to take control and know what to do. Plus she would have my back in an anti-conga line battle.
Okay, I will admit it, it is time to go back to Hot Yoga. It will be like starting over so I better review the start of this blog and "what I learned about hot yoga" before I go again. My hip is not healing with the rest and ice and etc, so I might as well go back to what seem to be working. At least it was so difficult and made me so delusional that I won't notice I am still fat.
Play Ball!
It is that time of year, Baseball Season has started. It is the time of year when my husband gets sad about our daughter. She still chooses to compete in Dance and not Softball/Baseball. Poor guy, he had such high hopes, she played boys baseball for a few years until dance took over. She is good with no practice. I think he imagines a UW scholarship down the road and the College world series. But no it is not to be at this point. He has to settle for our 8 soon to be 9 year old son playing AA coach pitch for another year.
Here is Henry the first practice "Baseball? I didn't sign up for Baseball, who said I wanted to do that, I want to play Basketball"
Me "Henry you play every year, Daddy and I really like watching you."
Henry " I want to play basketball"
Me "that season just ended, you will play again when it starts back up, now you play baseball"
Henry "I am not playing baseball"
Me "yes you are"
Henry "no I am not, you can wear my cup and play"
Me "very funny young man" (of course I am thinking mommy's balls are too big for that cup), "but we are going to practice at 4:30"
We got to practice and he had a great time with his new team. The deciding factor seem to be that his team is the "Mariners" this year. Scott is only hoping that he pays attention this year, doesn't pick grass in outfield or get beaned at first base cause he is chatting up the runner on base.
So I went shopping at Sport Authority to get him new gray baseball pants since last years are white and look like knickers and he could be waiting for a flood. Also, he needs a new cup since the puppy chewed up the one from last year. They are required to wear them which I never understood because really what's to protect at this age. But then I saw a kid take a ball off the cup and that sucker ricochet pretty hard. So there I am at Sports Authority looking like a lurker or perv. I was holding up pants and seeing if there were any kids in the store about his size to see if I was getting the right size. Then I found the hidden rack of cupville. Holy Crap, this is what Dad's are for damnit. There is an entire wall of these things. Come on I don't even know which way is up on the thing. Plus they are different colors and have gel sides in some of them, boxers, briefs, wth is a slider short. This should have been a Dad job and I immediately decided that their Dad would be the one to go buy Hayley her first box of tampons when needed.
So I fingered the many packages and was lurking about when a handsome man about my age walked by. I startled him by accosting him. I nudged him towards what I am now calling the wall of doom.
I said "Please help me out here since you have the parts and I don't, but which size would I buy for my 8 year old"
Him "Well my 8 year old is big so I would get this one" (bright blue) flustered he says "I mean he is a big kid."
I say before I can help myself "Isn't that what all the Dad's say?" "Okay, mine is a tall skinny thing of about 55 pounds and I don't want to question his or my spouses manhood by buying the one for 5-6 year olds called PeeWee cup; so do you think I could get away with the neon green one for 8-9 year olds? Can you pad them like a training bra to make it more comfortable? Do you go by like crotch/hip size or the volume of the junk you put in the cup?"
At this point he was slowly edging away from me...looking for a sales person to save him from the crazy lady.
"Thanks for your help I think I will go with the green one, my son likes green"
He quickly switched aisles. I can't wait to see if he is a dad on our team or if we play his team.
Here is Henry the first practice "Baseball? I didn't sign up for Baseball, who said I wanted to do that, I want to play Basketball"
Me "Henry you play every year, Daddy and I really like watching you."
Henry " I want to play basketball"
Me "that season just ended, you will play again when it starts back up, now you play baseball"
Henry "I am not playing baseball"
Me "yes you are"
Henry "no I am not, you can wear my cup and play"
Me "very funny young man" (of course I am thinking mommy's balls are too big for that cup), "but we are going to practice at 4:30"
We got to practice and he had a great time with his new team. The deciding factor seem to be that his team is the "Mariners" this year. Scott is only hoping that he pays attention this year, doesn't pick grass in outfield or get beaned at first base cause he is chatting up the runner on base.
So I went shopping at Sport Authority to get him new gray baseball pants since last years are white and look like knickers and he could be waiting for a flood. Also, he needs a new cup since the puppy chewed up the one from last year. They are required to wear them which I never understood because really what's to protect at this age. But then I saw a kid take a ball off the cup and that sucker ricochet pretty hard. So there I am at Sports Authority looking like a lurker or perv. I was holding up pants and seeing if there were any kids in the store about his size to see if I was getting the right size. Then I found the hidden rack of cupville. Holy Crap, this is what Dad's are for damnit. There is an entire wall of these things. Come on I don't even know which way is up on the thing. Plus they are different colors and have gel sides in some of them, boxers, briefs, wth is a slider short. This should have been a Dad job and I immediately decided that their Dad would be the one to go buy Hayley her first box of tampons when needed.
So I fingered the many packages and was lurking about when a handsome man about my age walked by. I startled him by accosting him. I nudged him towards what I am now calling the wall of doom.
I said "Please help me out here since you have the parts and I don't, but which size would I buy for my 8 year old"
Him "Well my 8 year old is big so I would get this one" (bright blue) flustered he says "I mean he is a big kid."
I say before I can help myself "Isn't that what all the Dad's say?" "Okay, mine is a tall skinny thing of about 55 pounds and I don't want to question his or my spouses manhood by buying the one for 5-6 year olds called PeeWee cup; so do you think I could get away with the neon green one for 8-9 year olds? Can you pad them like a training bra to make it more comfortable? Do you go by like crotch/hip size or the volume of the junk you put in the cup?"
At this point he was slowly edging away from me...looking for a sales person to save him from the crazy lady.
"Thanks for your help I think I will go with the green one, my son likes green"
He quickly switched aisles. I can't wait to see if he is a dad on our team or if we play his team.
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