Okay, Tuesday was so exciting and drama filled I had to break it into two posts. I have made entries about "you know you are fat when..." This week the opposite has happen. Twice in one day I was told I needed to be fatter. First, by a friend that said I had the perfect personality for The Biggest Loser show if only I was a little fatter. Huh? Is that good? What personality is that? One that would make for good TV? Isn't that the annoying, outgoing, loud, low filter, won't take any crap, like to scheme person.....oh I get it. Okay. Kind of like my friend Tamese that won't let it go until I officially try out for Big Brother. The thing about that one is it seems that a lotta naughty stuff goes on there. I may be snarky and talk a big game but getting caught on camera doing the nasty of some sort with a 25 year old, yikes, so not good for the career or marriage. I would be the one walking into the room yelling "really people this is not an audition for porn, you do know this is called "Big Brother" which means there are cameras every where. Do you really think America is so dumb that making a tent on the bed with the blankets and when it looks like the blankets have what looks like a one sided teeter totter under it, do you really think they don't know someone is getting shagged?" And that we are all yelling "sluts" at our tvs. So no I won't try out for that one. The biggest loser maybe, except I need to be a little more obese and I am not sure I could tolerate Jillian for five minutes. Now Survivor I could do if it was not for the not eating, the bugs and the no showers. So back to the second "compliment" that I am not fat enough. I attended a seminar on weight loss surgery Tuesday night. First of all I went to the wrong Swedish in Issaquah, where I found a gal my age and her mother and an aunt also looking for the meeting. Once we figured out it was across town I told them I would lead them over there. Except they moved kind of slow and that annoyed me. I don't think they were that excited about the meeting. Finally got there and it was similar to my cardiology appointments. At my pacemaker checks I always feel so youthful in the waiting room because I am usually sitting there with 4 or 5 folks over the age of 70. And if I bring my cute little 8 year old son, watch out, I am like a rock start amongst those folks! So at this meeting of about 10 of us I was by far the thinnest. I was super nervous to walk in late when I saw the attendees thru the window, I thought they might stone me out of the room or eat me. The doctor was dynamic and certainly talented, well respected and knowledgeable. He was detailed and I liked the way he ran his program. It made sense and seemed the prudent way to assure the best results for his patients. Clearly I was only interested in the least evasive procedure, the lap band. I have been trying and trying to lose the weight I gained this past two years. It is now a medical emergency, I have to get my blood pressure down and other health annoyance would be cured by dropping the pounds. The lap band unlike gastric bypass does not do the work for you, you still have to diet heavily and exercise but it gives you that extra tool to control your hunger. Plus I learned at a certain bmi with my health history I now qualify for the insurance to pay for it. About half way thru the meeting there were some side conversations going on and I was talking to the man next to me in the back row. He looked exactly like Santa, beard and all. He actually seemed to have been researching this and brought up some points I had not thought of and I was able to ask the doctor what I thought were important questions. One of the pack I led over keeps turning to me and she says "can you please stop talking and asking questions because you shouldn't even be here!" I looked at Santa, shrugged, said "no I won't stop talking", in my head I said "bitch, really, you must be hungry to be that cranky, and hey another person thinks I am not fat enough, yeah me!" After the formal meeting I approached the doctor who was talking to Ms. Old Cranky Pant's Daughter. He made a comment to her about that she seemed a good candidate for the surgery and would have good results. Hee hee, he had missed the part during the meeting where she shared that she was currently banded, as in she had already had the surgery elsewhere. She was there to support her mom. Funny, the doctor is saying she would totally be a good candidate and she had already had the surgery a year ago...oops. When I talked to him it became clear that my BMI has to be at least 35 for the insurance to pay and if it is under 40 you have to have certain medical conditions. I have those conditions covered. It also means you jump thru a bunch of hoops for 3 months with monitored nutrition counseling, exercise training, etc. Hello if I had those tools I would probably lose enough to put me below 30 bmi then I wouldn't qualify but I would still be above my optimum while fighting not to gain back with all the medicines I deal with etc. So sounds like a fiscious cycle to me. Plus if I put what height my license says and my weight I fall closer to 32. If shrink a little since I have always been on the shorter side of 5'8 and wear heavy clothes, shoes and maybe hold my purse (he also suggested not peeing that day), when I weighed in we can maybe get me to like a 34.7. Which means I would not be able to lose a single pound during that three month wait period which seems so against everything I am trying to do. So yet again too fat and not fat enough. I can't win! The meeting was fascinating and educational. I of course could not help looking around at these severely obese people and feeling thankful I was not there (yet). But I was really tired by 9:00 from my earlier Cagney and Lacey reenactment with Wendy and I was having a hard time keeping my snarky self in check. Cause when the 300 pound plus woman started asking what specifically the rules were for after surgery I had a really hard time not yelling "uh duh, less food, more exercise. or you will puke" Hello, did you not take an anatomy class in High School, look at the picture if your bowel is now in smaller three pieces and the food can only go to track one and intestine A is now only so short, gee what do you think will happen if you over eat? Then when we were told that we would be on a 3 week liquid only diet after the surgery (that pretty much rules me out cause if I didn't get to chew something for 3 weeks I am pretty certain I will commit a crime of some kind). One lady asked if alcohol, red wine of course, would count towards the liquid diet. Again, where did that snort laugh come from in the back row? Santa? nope, that was me.

That's How We Roll...

So due to the fact that I am still not working, no big vacation for us this Spring Break. I decided to do some fun local activities with the kids that we never do and invite other friends that are also home this week. So today we decided to play Seattle tourist with my friend, Wendy, my kids and three of her kids. Wendy and I could host our own reality tv series I am certain of it. Today was an episode of "Eastside Housewives visit the Inner City". I stayed up too late last night reading a trashy novel so the kids were having to pull me out of bed this morning. I decided to skip the shower and primping because I figured who was going to see me at the Seattle Aquarium? Fish? Plus, being any where around the waterfront or Pike Place Market always makes me feel like I need a shower. Snob? Maybe? But hey there is a reason I choose to live on the EAST side of the Lakes. So with sweats, puffy vest, baseball hat and my camera we headed out around 10. A stop at Starbucks so Mommy could caffeinate herself was required. Then we picked up Wendy and her three girls. So with a van full of 6 females and Henry, we headed into the Big City. Max and Ruby played on the dvd. We parked under the viaduct across from the waterfront Aquarium, near the big antique store. We were feeling pretty smug about ourselves. Here it was, Spring Break and we were educating our children on Marine Biology. So what if we were not in Palm Springs or Hawaii. Our kids were learning about Salmon and touching sea creatures. We learned that training Sea Otters was called "Husbandry". (the scientific caring, breeding of...) I thought this was appropriate, if only I could use a little buoy on the end of a stick to train my husband to cooperate, life would be excellent. After the Aquarium we went down to pier 54 for another Seattle institution, Ivars. We gorged ourselves on chowder, fish and chips and fried clams. Fed the Seagulls and moved on to stop in the shops along the way back to the car. Wendy had given us all gum and this gave us the idea to find the gum wall in Post Alley. this is an alley where on one side of a building people have placed their chewed up gum. Pretty disgusting but quite a piece of Art in my opinion. I was concerned about our parking time because we had a little issue with the meter, I had gone back at 12:30 before lunch to feed it some more money because it ran out at 1:11, when I printed my ticket for an extra 40 minutes it was for 40 minutes from when I purchased it which only gave us to 1:13, so I wasn't sure if a ticket would be in my future or not. So I hustled ahead of Wendy and the kids. As I approached the minivan I saw a group of about 4 men and one woman hanging out in the empty spot on the driver's side of my van. They were looking in the windows. My first thought was no way can I possibly get my car broken into twice in one year. Then a tiny white civic pulled in and I thought well maybe they were saving the spot for their friend to park. At this point I got to the car and looked in the open passenger's window, three of the standing folks were hovered around the driver's side window. I immediately saw the driver taking vials out of his sweatpant pockets.

I asked them "Hey could you please wait to do your drug deal please until I get all my kids in the car and leave" Driver/dealer quickly shoved the goods back in his pocket. The clients looked over the roof of the tiny car and said "sure no problem, how are you? what did you do today?" Me "went to the aquarium" Them "great, that's great, what a wonderful place, you can learn so much". Like I give a flying you know what if a drug buyer thought of my outing was a good idea. At this point Wendy was approaching with the kids and I wanted her to know something was going on. I loudly said, "Wendy, get the kids in the car quickly, they are going to wait for us to leave to finish their deal" Wendy just gave me a funny look and started sticking kids in the van. The female in the group yelled at me "Hey, what's up with that, we are being polite and nice to you and you have to go shouting out our business" Me, glaring at the ho, "really, cause I don't see a cop any where near here, so you shouldn't be worrying about me, cause if there was I would have been a lot louder" At this point the driver of the vehicle starts to edge backwards out of the spot, we almost have everyone in the car, except my daughter who is just standing behind the car watching. One of the dudes says "we should go before she gets his license plate. Hey great idea, I start following the car out and look around one of them and start repeating the plate out loud while my daughter climbs in the van. I am holding my SLR Digital camera the entire time. At this point I hear the ho say "Let's beat her up" "bitch". One of the men, with a menacing look and a fresh black eye himself starts for me. Since all the kids were in the car at this point, I start taking photos of the car and the people. I snapped three photos and tossed the camera to Wendy as I shut the doors to the back. I figured if I was going to get my ass kicked there would be photographic evidence of the culprits. I hopped in the van, locked the door and began backing out as I tried to get my phone out to dial the police. Wendy and the girls are trying to get seat belts buckled as I backed out and went the wrong way on the one way street under the viaduct, cause Wendy pointed out we needed to get the hell out of there before they got my license plate. We explained to the 911 operator what happened. As I was giving them detailed descriptions of people and the vehicle, Henry was throwing out details that I had missed, like "mom she had a red flower in her hair". I thought dang, good job, Henry! Way to be alert.

We found a place to park and wait for the police to come follow up with us. As we are sitting there waiting I am watching all mirrors ready to throw that minivan in gear and jump any curbs I needed to if a white crx with yellow duct tape over one of the tail lights was heading our way. At this point, we hear little Grace in the backseat say, "uh oh, I have a ring on my finger" She proceeds to say she wore a plastic ring out of the pirate store without paying for it.

Now the conversation goes like this:

me "shoot I saw that she had that on when they were playing in the treasure chest and I meant to remind her to take it off"

Grace "I forgot"

Henry "Quick, Grace, Give it to me before the cops get here, I will hide it for you, remember it was an accident"

Grace "yeah it was accidentally"

Wendy "did you steal it? did you know you had it on when you left the store?"

Grace "yes, accidentally"

Wendy "you stole it Grace, you are in trouble"

Henry "the cops are coming, lets hide it"

the other girls "is Grace in trouble? cause the police are coming?"

Me "Oh shoot, the store is a couple blocks away, lets just go pay the 25 cents"

Wendy "not a good lesson"

Carly "I want to go on more field trips with Momma Dawn"

I decided to move the car under the viaduct where there was more pedestrian traffic. The older girls took Grace to the pirate store to return the stolen property while we waited for the police to show up. A parking police officer came by and I asked him if he knew anything. He said "yeah I heard that call about the mom and the drugbust" "did you head down there?" "no I am not getting involved in drug deals, I am giving parking tickets" Our finest at work.

After an hour I tell the kids we have done our civic duty and if the police need my photos they will contact me.

For the previous 15 minutes Wendy is reading the facebook posts on our adventure:

Dawn - Waiting for the police after Wendy and I broke up a drug deal under a viaduct. Hey kids what a field trip!

Lori - To think I almost changed my plans today so I could join you guys!

Shauna - What are you two...crazy? (probably)

Scott - Cougar basketball players? (that's funny)

Wendy - Dawn's crazy! I was just trying to protect the kids and get them in the car and get the doors locked!! (ha, I didn't get the bat out of the trunk, I was trying to protect the kids too, but really, after the year I have had I dare someone to mess with me)

Shauna -Plus, what kind of Seattle field trip includes time under the viaduct? :-)

Karen - SO glad I didn't get my act together this a.m. to try and catch up with you guys!!! Wendy - Well first the Aquarium, Ivars, The Olde Curiosity Shoppe, then had to add gum to the Gum Wall in Post Alley. Finishing off the day with a real life drug deal!

Scott - Dawn, I'll be late tonight. I am going to stake out a meth lab in Maple Valley. (Very funny, yep, that is how us McCutcheons roll)

Wendy - For some reason the dumbasses chose to do their "deal" next to the minivan owned by an eastside photographing ptsa mom!

Wendy - The best part was that while we were waiting for the cops to take our statement Grace brought it to our attention that she accidentally stole a plastic .25 cent ring from the store and Henry is schooling her on how to hide it from the police and to say it was an accident!

Lori - I'll be your safe house if you want to come over (in case your home is being cased).

Dawn - Okay, I will get started on the blog update for today's adventure.

Judi - The two of you can always find trouble! Be safe

Lol, I have no idea what she is talking about

"Hot" (as in sweaty) Mommas after Sh'bam tonight

The Roller Coaster Day

Today I posted a couple of Mottos/Sayings on my Facebook page that pretty much sum up my mood.
"All Stressed out and No one to Choke"
"If it weren't for my mood swings, I wouldn't get any exercise"

I got an email today that I did NOT get the dream job I wanted. Big Sigh. But there is another opening at the American Heart Association that would make me very happy. But I am feeling a bit defeated so we shall see how it goes.
So today was one of those roller coaster days. Started off strong; got some things done, had lunch with my bff, ran errands, and it was sunny!! Strap me in, up we go. So I was doing pretty good, then the email, down the other side we went, took a two hour nap, cried. Then back up we go, dragged my butt to the gym for my double class Wednesday with Pam. Up we went. I startled myself in the mirror again by glancing over and thinking "wow that poor woman, how unfortunate, she looks like Humpty Dumpty" "Oh crap that's me, I forgot I had a new shirt on" Down the other side we go. Oh wait, hee hee, when the teacher bends over to do rows with the bar, her very nicely enhanced breast actually jump left and right a couple of inches like putting two magnets together. Me, "Hey Pam did you see that" Pam "yes". I totally lost it when she turned to the guy to her right to show him how to do the row properly and he was like a deer in a headlight. Okay, the giggles are good....Back up the next hill I go. Ten minutes of Body Pump left, omg, there are 5 of my dance mommy friends heckling us at the window. Crap, that means I have to try hard and I will have to do the push ups. Ugh. Curve in the track. Me, "Pam look at those two chicks with the shoulder tattoos, omg, we need to hold them down and feed them, do you have any snacks in your purse? Cause I weigh more than the two of them together" Curve. Ugh. (I do love to make Pam giggle though, cause she usually looks guilty when I make her laugh, like she isn't quite sure she should be laughing at what I said or did) At the end of class Pam informs me that our instructor had said a couple of times, " I know you guys are laughing at me today" Oh crap, I can't understand her because she has an accent, I had no idea I was getting us in trouble! Curve.
Time for Sh'bam (like a dance aerobic class like Zumba). There was a full class and with my 7 dance mommies, it was so much fun! Normally I am so not into it, I just try to keep moving. But having them there gave me the energy to totally keep going! The class was a blast, high energy and we even got a group photo with our teacher after just like our daughters do at dance conventions! I am sure it will be a lovely photo of my sweaty self.
So I ended the roller coaster day on the big fun loopdy loop!
Tomorrow's motto: "You live but once, you might as well be amusing"

"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History..."

That is my motto! I even have it engraved on a bracelet. Saturday and Sunday I will be sitting in a hotel lobby in downtown Seattle while Hayley dances at a convention and competition. We will be there from 7:45 am until who knows when at night! I have to meet her every few hours to feed her and do the Mom thing so there is really not enough time to drive home. Which means unlimited and prime people watching! Woo HOO! I wish I could find a job where I could just watch people and comment on what I see. I think I would be great at that!
But also all this time on my hands this weekend could spell trouble! Because when I get bored I find something to entertain me! Uh Oh. I do have to find an outfit for the Heart Ball in a week. I am a volunteer. I thought I had a great red outfit ready to go from all the Go Red Appearances but I found out volunteers need to wear all black. So today there was no school I took my kids and a friend to the movies in Bellevue. I bought them tickets to the IMAX showing of Mars Needs Moms, dropped them off and went shopping, returned before the movie was over. Love that they are old enough now to that. I am surprised they did not get kicked out or that I didn't get a call from theater management. They were the only bodies in the showing, so they had the entire IMAX theater to themselves. They mentioned playing tag and hide and go seek before the movie started. That's my girls! Already marching to their own drummer. My son liked to point out that he was "being a good boy like you told me and sitting in my seat". I told them that I had planned the whole thing for them, that they were so special that I was able to reserve a private showing for them. Yeah, they didn't buy it either.
I had time to try on dresses at Macys. When you are many sizes larger than the last time you had to buy a dress and at least two sizes bigger in person than in your own imagination, shopping is surely depressing. I tried on about 20. The salesperson kept bringing me more to try. I kept saying that they didn't look like "me", but she kept insisting I try them. Finally I just had to say that what she was bringing me "looked way too old, and matronly". Do you know what she said to me? "Well honey they are flattering and age appropriate"
Now the pre-forty high strung me would have had such a comeback for her that she surely would have not forgotten me any time soon. But the new more mature forty year old, just smiled and shut the door in her face. I think I was just too depressed to tell her to shove her grandma dresses where the sun don't shine. I did find one that might be a possibility. I would have been 100% for it except when I came out to look in the big mirror, she said "Wow You have some Curves" . To me that was code for "Wow your ass is JLo Big" or "Wow you are fat". Isn't "Curvy" the same thing as saying "Big or Fat"? Like saying "she is really opinionated" is the same as "Man, she is such a Bitch". So the dress did not go home with me. More than likely I will end up wearing slacks and a blouse. Maybe I will be able to wear a size 8 hot little number next year. So what did I do after this experience? Took the kids to Burgermaster, where I had a shake and a burger and a fries. And left my lights on and had to have them jump my battery. It was a sign I am certain.

you know you are fat when....

I took this from my older blog from last year and am adding to it now:
Tuesday, June 1, 2010

You know you are fat when...
I am most certainly a skinny girl in a fat 39 year old body right now. So it has taken several "incidents" to wrap my mind around my new size.
I call them "you know you are fat when"

You know you are fat when you are at the doctor's office and the nurse says I will be right back I need to get the bigger cuff.

You know you are fat when your friend and you decide to go to the real running shoe store to get a professional fitting, because dammit if they can run a marathon on the Biggest Loser you can run a 5k. And the salesperson says "no mam, you do not have a wide foot you have a "high volume" foot.

Or you know you are fat when at a different doctor's visit the nurse says "wow your blood pressure is really good for someone your size"

And for 2011...You know you are fat when....
You go to your primary doctor and mention that you read an article about the Lap Band procedure. The BMI requirement was lowered and if you have a medical condition that warrants the weight loss insurance will pay. In my opinion I think I might qualify and since I seem to be failing at all other attempts "what do you think Dr. that has known me since I was a teenager"

What I expect her to say is "No sweetheart, you are not that obese, no way do you qualify for that surgery, lets write you a prescription for this magic pill that will make you drop 30 pounds this month"

What she actually says "Wow, Dawn, I think that is a fabulous idea. You should really look into that. I will write any referral paperwork you need."

The power of words

I have been thinking a lot lately, I know, so scary! But that is what turning 40 and having a midlife crisis is suppose to be about, right? This week I have been thinking about words or phrases that have meaning to me. Today it is the phrase "Drama Queen". When my husband wants to end an argument with me or push my buttons or just plain piss me off, he will call me a "Drama Queen". I would rather be called a Bitch any day. Why? To me a Drama Queen implies that my feelings, emotions, thoughts on that particular subject are not important. It is a put down. It says that I am exaggerating or being a crazy person. It says "I" am not important or that my feelings are not valid. To me a Drama Queen makes a mountain out of a mole hill or creates negative feelings in others for their own enjoyment or someone that just plain has to have attention on them for no valid reason.
This is not me.
I decided to see what google said about this phrase.
Webster Dictionary - "noun" - Definition of DRAMA QUEEN: a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions
Hmmmm....Who defines "excessive"? And is being emotional such a bad thing?
Urban Dictionary -Someone that turns something unimportant into a major deal
Again, if it is important to me....(see number 15 in previous post)
EHOW, has an article "how to stop a drama queen"; they mention a restraining order. snort laugh from me.

So maybe I tend to react emotionally when it is not necessary. I would rather think that makes me passionate or actually means having a personality. Attention Whore? I like to think of it as "outgoing". Excessive? Really? Go big or go home I say. Reactions? Hello? Isn't that called "participating in life"?
I am NOT a Drama Queen, I am passionate and outgoing. So there.

Thoughts from the Mom Cave

As I sit here in my Mom Cave, sipping my Hot Cocoa with Baileys in honor of St. Patrick's Day (not sure what I am celebrating the other nights, but tonight I have an excuse) contemplating what exactly St. Patrick's Day is and darn I decorated but I forgot to put green food color in the toilet, not sure the 8 year old will still buy that leprechauns don't flush; I am glad to know that this is getting read. I know it is getting read because my daughter came home tonight wanting to know why in the world I would blog about her thing for going naked at home and that I told her what a BJ was. I got a big "Thanks Mom for the Blog". One of my friends evidently read it to one of her friends, who then mentioned at school about her and the naked thing. Maybe this friend thanks to me now knows what a BJ is versus a VJ. Granted she was not upset enough to let it stop her and her friend from going skinny dipping in the hot tub about an hour ago (no school tomorrow, so sleepover night)

I had lunch with my oldest (not in age, that honor I think is Nancy's or maybe it is Stacy) friend today. We got caught up and discussed life. Her love is a military man and he is being deployed for a year. My heart aches for her, to have found love again only to have to go without it for a year, kind of sucks. Makes me think that as long as he was completely safe, I would not mind shipping my spouse off for a year. I think marriages would be a lot stronger if it was required to take a break say every 20 years. Right? Nothing dangerous like protecting our country, but just a required time out. It would not have to be for a year, that would be to cruel to the kids. But maybe a week off from each other once a year? Now if we could invent a way this could be done without one of us actually leaving the kids or home that would be super nifty. Like the spouse became invisible to each other. That way you are not a single parent and if there is a spider in the house someone is still here to kill it. Now granted, I think we have pretended that the other was invisible many many times, but I am talking about a way to take a break without actually fighting first.

Last week I went to my friend's parents house on the Beach in Hood Canal. I was totally alone for 48 hours. I have never been alone I realized for that long my entire life. I went from home at 18 to a sorority in college to living with my husband. Quite a revelation at 40.

I didn't even see another person on the beach or in any neighboring homes during this two days of bliss. I read, I watched Glee dvds, took many bubble baths, danced, sang outloud, did yoga, and the first 24 hours all I ate was Cake. It was a really amazing experiment. Could I enjoy my own company? You know what? That does not come naturally. I think I need another 48 hours there to continue the experiment. Because I am pretty certain it took me at least the first day to feel less guilty for taking the time in the first place. It helped that my cell phone did not work well and there was no internet.

So what did I learn during my "me-cation" about myself:

1. I want a job where I don't have to wear a bra


2. I want a job where I can wear pajamas during the day


3. If I try to do yoga on my own, I only make it thru about 4 of the 26 poses before I get bored


4. I might have ADD


5. The thoughts in my head are really noisy


6. Bailey's and Diet Coke don't work


7. I am a water person, I love being near water, my blood pressure is lower when I am


8. I am an Aquarius


9. I can listen to the same playlist over and over and not get bored


10. Maybe I don't have ADD


11. When you can sleep in, you won't


12. The formula for all romance novels is exactly the same, which did not stop me from reading five


13. Is it okay to lust after a character on a movie or tv show that is under age if you know that the actor playing that character is legal?


14. I can't change other people or make them behave the way I want, even if I am certain my way is better


15. I may be a tad self centered


16. I have more ideas for activities and goals than I will ever have time in my life for


17. I can sit still for a long time


18. I do enjoy peace and quiet


19. I am not a drama queen


20. I like to make people laugh, I like funny things


21. I don't want to be fat anymore


22. I would never make it on Survivor because I have to shower every day to feel normal


23. I am ready to change careers, I want to work for AHA more than I have ever wanted anything, which probably means after my luck this past two years it won't happen


24. I might be a pessimist


25. Nope, I am an optimist, I still shave my legs every day

I think I need more time like this to work on my list and practice being friends with myself.

Parenting 101....

I learned today that when you turn forty not only do the gray hairs start sprouting (everywhere), your eyesight starts to go, things hurt and it is not a coincidence that forty starts with an "f", but your hearing might be a tad less effective.
Our daughter who will be 13 next month is terrific, wonderful, great kid. She is open and honest and has no filter or issue discussing embarrassing subjects with myself or her Dad, much to his chagrin. She will walk around naked and show us the wonderful changes of puberty without an inch of modesty. Now as long as this is not a future career indicator and she does not ask for a pole in her room, I think we are good with this. I would rather have her be proud of her body and confident. I think this will mean she will be more likely to protect it. So now that she is in junior high we have had lots of opportunities usually brought up by her to discuss, sex, relationships with boys, drugs, drinking, etc. We have made it clear what our expectations are. Her dad has made it clear what will happen to any boys that cross the line now or in the future, like until she is 30. The funny thing was the next day in the car (this seems to be the best place to chat about these less than comfortable topics, captive audience) she said "don't tell dad but I am way more scared of you than him" "Why" I asked. "Because Daddy might hurt the boy but you would humiliate him". Wow she is so perceptive.
So back to today. I know that they are talking and probably doing oral sex in junior high. I can stick my head (no pun intended) in the sand and pretend otherwise, but like all things relating to sex I want to be the first one to give my child the information they need, I don't want them getting the information from another 13 year old, lord knows what that information will be.
So back to my hearing. In the car, she says "Mom, what does BJ stand for?"
OH BOY, been waiting for this one. Me, launches into a very detailed explanation. I add that although Clinton said otherwise it is a sex act and their are consequences and this is an adult act and you are NOT an adult until you are 18. I may or may not (not admitting here) to exaggerating some of the bad things that can happen to a girl that engages in this past time. Telling her that her teeth would rot and you can get sores in your throat might have been extreme. But hey if it keeps her a virgin until she is 18 and emotionally mature, who is the winner here! Her!
But here is the kicker. When I finally took a breath she said "Uh Mom, thanks for the information but I said what does VJ stand for and your answer doesn't make sense?" Oh, you were watching mtv, crap. That means Video Jockey as compared to a DJ or Disc Jockey. Oops, my bad.

Back on the Horse? The damn Horse ran away...

Okay, I know I have been too quiet. I have fallen off the Go Dawn Team Horse. Diet is not going well, exercise is mediocre and mood is borderline mental. So I am thinking that if I analyze the past 2 and a half months, there seems to be a correlation with diet success and mood and health when I am blogging daily. Hmmmm...accountability? Or I just like to brag when I am doing well? I don't know. But we shall test the theory. So everyone that is supporting my team needs to know that I am failing miserably at the weight loss goal. So there, it is out there. And I did not have to go on King 5 news to say it. (still not happy about that one)
Work wise, still a stressful, hopeless situation on the Banking front. Poor Scott is working his butt off. His job is like banging ones head against a brick wall for eight hours every day. No wonder he asks me to stop at the liqueur store.
I am still in the hiring process for my dream job with the American Heart Association. I have made it to round two of three. I am now waiting to hear if I make it on to round three. If I don't I am not sure what I will do. Never in my entire adult life have I not gotten the job I wanted. Never have I wanted one as badly as I want this one. So not sure if when looking back on my "luck" meters this past two years if this is looking hopeful!
I am still working with the Go Red Passions Committee. I also joined a Committee working to encourage Community Teams for the Heart Walk this fall. So I will be creating a team, with a fancy name and our own tshirts, who is in?
I am volunteering at the Heart Ball on the 26th, which really means I have to find something semi formal in all black to squeeze my fat butt into before than. Warm up them Spanks.
So let's review; Diet: Sucks, blowing it, hate it, I suck, no willpower. I have not been tracking my ww points. Today I had burgermaster but let me point out I ordered the mini kids meal instead of the big one. so that is a start? right? But I have also done some ambien eating. I am sleeping a lot during the day this past week fighting a weird virus/flu and trying to get blood pressure meds right. So I take an ambien at night to try to get back on track, then if I don't go to sleep I eat.
Exercise: No Hot Yoga - my excuses....I hurt my hip, had an xray and there is a bone spur caused by wear and tear (code for you are forty now honey) and clearly a ligament pull or tear. But again thanks to the nifty pacemaker I can't get a clear diagnosis without an MRI which I can't have unless I want to see the thing pulled out of my chest by the giant magnet. The other reason I have not been hot yoga, is that with the pending job situation not sure when I will be able to go when I am working in Seattle? So do I want to commit to the membership and the pain it causes the hip. I am starting physical therapy as soon as I get around to making an appointment. Do we see a theme here of procrastination and denial?
But I have been a regular at Golds gym thanks to my dance mommy friends. At least twice a week I have been doing Body Pump and once or twice Shbam which is kind of like a self esteem killer like Zumba. It should be called "so you think you can dance, not"
I had a couple of doctor visits. My vitamin D is deficient again which can cause fatigue and aggravate the Fibromyalgia issues. Duh, it is the middle of winter in Seattle. So got a prescription for that. While I was there I mentioned that I had read an article about them changing the bmi requirements for lap band surgery and that if you meet the new lower number and have a health condition (yeah me) insurance may even pay for it. What I thought she would say (keep in mind she has known me since I was 16 and knows I am a drama queen and looking for reassurance constantly) "no you are too skinny for that". What she actually said was "Oh that is a great idea, you should consider that".
So overall I have the debbie downer thing going on right now.
It is such a fiscious cycle. When I was interviewed on the news I gave the advice that we just keep going and have as many day ones as we need to get the job done. So looks like tomorrow is another day one for me.