Thursday, February 2, 2012
Day One
In 2009 life was near perfect. I had been with my husband for 19 years. He and I had a thriving career together in the mortgage business. I had worked in the financial services industry for over 15 years and had earned a place of financial security and flexibility that allowed me to be a focused mother of two. Two beautiful Children, Hayley and Henry. I volunteered regularly in my kid's schools, planning auctions, fundraising, teaching art, and planning class parties. My daughter dances competitively and my life revolved around the studio, competitions and sports events and the second family we created there. I had a strong group of girlfriends I consider my family, and an active social life. I was having a wonderful time helping to plan my high school 20 year reunion in August.
Like most women I cared about how I was going to look at that reunion. During that year, my best friend and I made a pact to get in better shape. I was going to be Forty soon enough and like everything else in my life I needed to be a perfect 40. We decided to take up running. We did Five 5ks. We were not fast but we were determined. We called it "wogging", we said we would run if chased, we said it's not fat it's fuel. We did everything together with a healthy dose of self depreciating humor.
Shortly after my reunion and my last 5k my life changed drastically. The "event" changed everything. A few years prior my Dad had lost his long battle with Heart Disease and died at the young age of 52. Although, I had inherited my Dad's high cholesterol and tendency to gain weight around the middle, I was not that worried. I didn't do the bad things he did. I didn't smoke, I didn't have a blocked artery, I didn't have high blood pressure and I did not consider McDonalds a food group. I went to the doctor regularly, including a cardiologist twice a year. I was on a statin to control my cholesterol. Yes, I needed to lose a few pounds and I have a thing for cupcakes, but I was not male, heart disease would not take me.
During this year I had several fainting incidents. The doctors said it was a response to being ill during those times, I was dehydrated, I had the flu. Shortly after the reunion in September I came down with a nasty sinus infection. Six weeks later, several courses of antibiotics, visits to my primary doctor, an ENT doctor and even a Rheumatologist; No one could figure out why I was so sick. Rest they said and take some more antibiotics. Rest? I have a job, two kids and a life, I can't do that, I am a MOM.
On October 1, 2009 I had my regular check up with my Cardiologist. He walked in to the exam room and greeted me warmly as he always did but when he asked "how are you doing?" I totally lost it. I cried and told him about the running around, all the tests they wanted done, how I could barely get out of bed. He walked out of the room without saying a word, uh oh I scared him. He came back he said you have fifteen minutes to do what needs to be done with your family and we are admitting you to the hospital across the street where a friend of mine who is a specialist will meet you, do all the tests in one place and figure out what was going on. This stopped the crying, I can't do that, my son is at a play date, my daughter needs to be picked up from Dance Team and my husband is at work 40 miles away. He knew me. He said that's the deal I will be back in fifteen minutes. I made the calls and checked into my private room at Overlake Hospital. Private because they were not sure if I was contagious. A key point to this story was that I was on a Cardiac floor since it was a Cardiologist that had checked me into this little vacation. Maybe this won't be too bad I thought, peace, quiet, someone else will cook and serve me the meals, I will have the remote all to myself. If I could have gotten a pedicure too it would have been near perfect.
On the second day of my hospital stay it all changed. I fainted. This time it was the absolute definition of the "right place and right time". Hooked up to a cardiac monitor as was protocol on this floor of the hospital. When I regained consciences, there were about a dozen people in my room, it was loud, and bright and they seemed really stressed out.
I had suffered cardiac arrest. What did this mean? My heart had stopped, I was unresponsive. They were getting ready to revive me with the paddles when I came to. Well this event won me another week in the hospital and a surgery to implant a pacemaker to make sure it didn't happen again.
So started the journey. My recovery was tough. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I gained more weight. I was tired all the time. My life started to unravel. Financially, Martially, and physically.
In 2010 I volunteered for a Go Red for Women lunch, this sounded interesting. At that lunch I realized that I was a survivor of a cardiac event, someone dealing with heart disease. I never viewed myself that way. I had no idea that Heart Disease was the number one killer of women. I didn't understand,if it wasn't breast cancer why did I see pink ribbons all over the place. I didn't understand why the statistics didn't equate to more education and funding for women's heart disease. I became an advocate and a volunteer for the American Heart Association. In 2011, I was interviewed as a survivor and spokeswoman on local news stations. One of the reporters called me out on my talk of getting healthy and learning to live that lifestyle. She asked me what my weight loss goal was on live television. Fifty Pounds I said.
Well here we are a year later, another Go Red for Women Day is upon us. This Friday we encourage everyone to wear red to promote awareness of the number one killer of women. Why have I not succeeded? Life has kicked my fanny this past year. Unemployed, tired, stressed. I still have my girlfriends but even that extended family makes me feel like I failed them and all women by not succeeding at my goals.
The Heart Association asked me to speak again as an advocate. They asked me to do an interview with Marni Hughes, the anchor of Q13 Fox News. Sure I said, I am happy to help. But then I thought oh no!, people who remember me from last year will see I failed. How awful will that be, how embarrassing. I thought about coming down with something contagious and passing this opportunity to someone else. Then I thought about it and realized I can make a difference so don't be a baby. I can show women it is okay to not be perfect. I am a normal, stressed out mother of two. My life this past two years has crumbled around me. But I am still alive. I am a survivor. Stop feeling sorry for myself.I have not been to the gym in months and months. Too stressed, too tired, too everything. I have used every excuse in the book. What did I say last year during my interviews? Oh yeah, "it is okay to have as many day ones as you need as long as you keep having them". Wow how profound. Wednesday February 1st will truly be a day one for me. I am going to meet a trainer at the gym. I am going to commit to a program on live television. I am going to commit to blogging about it and possibly doing a follow up story. What do I have to lose? Weight? yes, could I fail in a very public way, maybe. But what if seeing someone normal struggle, someone admitting to feeling like a failure, a regular woman, a mother, a wife; what if that helps one person make the changes I seem to have been incapable of making these past two years. And by making those changes they put themselves first, therefore being better wives, partners, mothers, co-workers and ultimately helping to lower the statistics by being one less woman that dies of heart disease. Isn't that worth the risk of failure and humiliation and pain that the trainer is going to inflict on my fat butt? Absolutely, it is.
Like most women I cared about how I was going to look at that reunion. During that year, my best friend and I made a pact to get in better shape. I was going to be Forty soon enough and like everything else in my life I needed to be a perfect 40. We decided to take up running. We did Five 5ks. We were not fast but we were determined. We called it "wogging", we said we would run if chased, we said it's not fat it's fuel. We did everything together with a healthy dose of self depreciating humor.
Shortly after my reunion and my last 5k my life changed drastically. The "event" changed everything. A few years prior my Dad had lost his long battle with Heart Disease and died at the young age of 52. Although, I had inherited my Dad's high cholesterol and tendency to gain weight around the middle, I was not that worried. I didn't do the bad things he did. I didn't smoke, I didn't have a blocked artery, I didn't have high blood pressure and I did not consider McDonalds a food group. I went to the doctor regularly, including a cardiologist twice a year. I was on a statin to control my cholesterol. Yes, I needed to lose a few pounds and I have a thing for cupcakes, but I was not male, heart disease would not take me.
During this year I had several fainting incidents. The doctors said it was a response to being ill during those times, I was dehydrated, I had the flu. Shortly after the reunion in September I came down with a nasty sinus infection. Six weeks later, several courses of antibiotics, visits to my primary doctor, an ENT doctor and even a Rheumatologist; No one could figure out why I was so sick. Rest they said and take some more antibiotics. Rest? I have a job, two kids and a life, I can't do that, I am a MOM.
On October 1, 2009 I had my regular check up with my Cardiologist. He walked in to the exam room and greeted me warmly as he always did but when he asked "how are you doing?" I totally lost it. I cried and told him about the running around, all the tests they wanted done, how I could barely get out of bed. He walked out of the room without saying a word, uh oh I scared him. He came back he said you have fifteen minutes to do what needs to be done with your family and we are admitting you to the hospital across the street where a friend of mine who is a specialist will meet you, do all the tests in one place and figure out what was going on. This stopped the crying, I can't do that, my son is at a play date, my daughter needs to be picked up from Dance Team and my husband is at work 40 miles away. He knew me. He said that's the deal I will be back in fifteen minutes. I made the calls and checked into my private room at Overlake Hospital. Private because they were not sure if I was contagious. A key point to this story was that I was on a Cardiac floor since it was a Cardiologist that had checked me into this little vacation. Maybe this won't be too bad I thought, peace, quiet, someone else will cook and serve me the meals, I will have the remote all to myself. If I could have gotten a pedicure too it would have been near perfect.
On the second day of my hospital stay it all changed. I fainted. This time it was the absolute definition of the "right place and right time". Hooked up to a cardiac monitor as was protocol on this floor of the hospital. When I regained consciences, there were about a dozen people in my room, it was loud, and bright and they seemed really stressed out.
I had suffered cardiac arrest. What did this mean? My heart had stopped, I was unresponsive. They were getting ready to revive me with the paddles when I came to. Well this event won me another week in the hospital and a surgery to implant a pacemaker to make sure it didn't happen again.
So started the journey. My recovery was tough. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I gained more weight. I was tired all the time. My life started to unravel. Financially, Martially, and physically.
In 2010 I volunteered for a Go Red for Women lunch, this sounded interesting. At that lunch I realized that I was a survivor of a cardiac event, someone dealing with heart disease. I never viewed myself that way. I had no idea that Heart Disease was the number one killer of women. I didn't understand,if it wasn't breast cancer why did I see pink ribbons all over the place. I didn't understand why the statistics didn't equate to more education and funding for women's heart disease. I became an advocate and a volunteer for the American Heart Association. In 2011, I was interviewed as a survivor and spokeswoman on local news stations. One of the reporters called me out on my talk of getting healthy and learning to live that lifestyle. She asked me what my weight loss goal was on live television. Fifty Pounds I said.
Well here we are a year later, another Go Red for Women Day is upon us. This Friday we encourage everyone to wear red to promote awareness of the number one killer of women. Why have I not succeeded? Life has kicked my fanny this past year. Unemployed, tired, stressed. I still have my girlfriends but even that extended family makes me feel like I failed them and all women by not succeeding at my goals.
The Heart Association asked me to speak again as an advocate. They asked me to do an interview with Marni Hughes, the anchor of Q13 Fox News. Sure I said, I am happy to help. But then I thought oh no!, people who remember me from last year will see I failed. How awful will that be, how embarrassing. I thought about coming down with something contagious and passing this opportunity to someone else. Then I thought about it and realized I can make a difference so don't be a baby. I can show women it is okay to not be perfect. I am a normal, stressed out mother of two. My life this past two years has crumbled around me. But I am still alive. I am a survivor. Stop feeling sorry for myself.I have not been to the gym in months and months. Too stressed, too tired, too everything. I have used every excuse in the book. What did I say last year during my interviews? Oh yeah, "it is okay to have as many day ones as you need as long as you keep having them". Wow how profound. Wednesday February 1st will truly be a day one for me. I am going to meet a trainer at the gym. I am going to commit to a program on live television. I am going to commit to blogging about it and possibly doing a follow up story. What do I have to lose? Weight? yes, could I fail in a very public way, maybe. But what if seeing someone normal struggle, someone admitting to feeling like a failure, a regular woman, a mother, a wife; what if that helps one person make the changes I seem to have been incapable of making these past two years. And by making those changes they put themselves first, therefore being better wives, partners, mothers, co-workers and ultimately helping to lower the statistics by being one less woman that dies of heart disease. Isn't that worth the risk of failure and humiliation and pain that the trainer is going to inflict on my fat butt? Absolutely, it is.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Let's get Happy in 30 minutes or less...
So I am pondering life today, which is code for sitting in front of the computer in my pajamas surfing Facebook. I come across an article posted from Real Simple Magazine. One of my new mottos "simplify"; so maybe this will be good.
It is titled
"OOOOhhh, I want to be happy in the next 30 minutes this will be good.
Trust me you know where this is heading.
As I read, all I can think is that someone actually got paid to write this total bullshit.
Let's analyze this, maybe it will help you.
1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you're on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better...
Really?, I went back to bed after the kids were gone, If I could raise my activity level I would but, I get winded on the stairs, and if I put more energy in my voice while on the phone, my best friend, will ask me if I have taken the wrong meds today or been spiking my hot chocolate with Baileys again.
2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
Huh, I live in the Northwest. You know rain. What sunlight? It's fricking dark first thing in the morning, it's November you dumbass. Oh wait, maybe they mean I should sleep in until it is actually light out, yeah that might make me happy. And if I go for a walk outside, I need to take a dog, and which one, if I have to pick I feel guilty about the other two. But they are so ill trained I can't take more than one and then that thought process just starts me feeling guilty about how I have let these dogs down by not training them to be more well behaved but I think well there is a reason they are rescues.
3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven't seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you'll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.
I might be on board with this one. I do reach out...a lot. In fact it is shocking I still have friends. Cause I reach out all the time. Texts, "please stop me from eating this cupcake" Middle of the night Ambien induced desperate depressing emails about my life. Snarky comments on their facebook pages. Yeah let's do that to someone that I have not seen in a while. "Hi how's life?...mine?....hmmm, let me send you the link to my blog" "hello?, hello? you still there, oh looks like you deleted your fb page interesting""act in a friendly way" Isn't that just saying the old phrase "fake it til you make it". I don't think I have the fake friendly gene.
4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a rush of elation
I get it, this might work if there was only one of those types of items on my list instead of ten. Rush of elation? I can think of some other things that give me that, but crossing the dentist off my to do list is not one of them.
5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time organizing bills and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
Okay, I admit I tried this. I set the timer too. But while I was in the kitchen I decided to get a snack. Then I needed to make some hot chocolate. Well then the dogs wanted a snack so we had to play and earn our treats. Then I ate one of the kid's cupcakes they made at the cupcake diy event I took them to yesterday. By the time I tackled the bill pile I had one minute left and was weeping from trying to figure out how I was going to pay them without a job. Yeah that was fun I feel way more serene now bitch.
6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also...
I think maybe I should just let this one be. and just move on to number 7
7. Save someones life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. Do good, feel good―it really works!
Save someones life? WTH? the article is 9 things to make you feel happy in the next 30 minutes. Like us women don't already feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, let's add save someones life? Are you fricking kidding me? What's next world peace? How about we just try taking a bath or eating some chocolate or hugging a pet? Really? fuck I give up.
8. Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you're smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.
Wait a second isn't this basically the same as number three. You could not even come up with 9 original ideas? This is bullshit. Okay, research shows that a fake smile boosts your mood. I am trying this, so if you see me today with a fake smile plastered to my face, go with it, No I have not been drinking and no I did not take a xanax.
9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need to" learn about
WTF?!!!! Thirty minutes? Go to the bookstore. Seriously, I am in my pajamas it will take more than 30 minutes to shower, get dressed, drive to the bookstore, stop at Starbucks. Then you want me to learn something new! First you want me to save a life and learn something new all in the next 30 minutes just to improve my mood. Author of this article, you are a demented moron.
I am just going to take a 30 minute nap and eat the other child's cupcake.
http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/things-can-happy-next-minutes-10000001809876/index.html#.TsKN5SwRmcM.facebook
It is titled
"OOOOhhh, I want to be happy in the next 30 minutes this will be good.
Trust me you know where this is heading.
As I read, all I can think is that someone actually got paid to write this total bullshit.
Let's analyze this, maybe it will help you.
1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you're on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better...
Really?, I went back to bed after the kids were gone, If I could raise my activity level I would but, I get winded on the stairs, and if I put more energy in my voice while on the phone, my best friend, will ask me if I have taken the wrong meds today or been spiking my hot chocolate with Baileys again.
2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
Huh, I live in the Northwest. You know rain. What sunlight? It's fricking dark first thing in the morning, it's November you dumbass. Oh wait, maybe they mean I should sleep in until it is actually light out, yeah that might make me happy. And if I go for a walk outside, I need to take a dog, and which one, if I have to pick I feel guilty about the other two. But they are so ill trained I can't take more than one and then that thought process just starts me feeling guilty about how I have let these dogs down by not training them to be more well behaved but I think well there is a reason they are rescues.
3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven't seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you'll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.
I might be on board with this one. I do reach out...a lot. In fact it is shocking I still have friends. Cause I reach out all the time. Texts, "please stop me from eating this cupcake" Middle of the night Ambien induced desperate depressing emails about my life. Snarky comments on their facebook pages. Yeah let's do that to someone that I have not seen in a while. "Hi how's life?...mine?....hmmm, let me send you the link to my blog" "hello?, hello? you still there, oh looks like you deleted your fb page interesting""act in a friendly way" Isn't that just saying the old phrase "fake it til you make it". I don't think I have the fake friendly gene.
4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a rush of elation
I get it, this might work if there was only one of those types of items on my list instead of ten. Rush of elation? I can think of some other things that give me that, but crossing the dentist off my to do list is not one of them.
5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time organizing bills and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
Okay, I admit I tried this. I set the timer too. But while I was in the kitchen I decided to get a snack. Then I needed to make some hot chocolate. Well then the dogs wanted a snack so we had to play and earn our treats. Then I ate one of the kid's cupcakes they made at the cupcake diy event I took them to yesterday. By the time I tackled the bill pile I had one minute left and was weeping from trying to figure out how I was going to pay them without a job. Yeah that was fun I feel way more serene now bitch.
6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also...
I think maybe I should just let this one be. and just move on to number 7
7. Save someones life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. Do good, feel good―it really works!
Save someones life? WTH? the article is 9 things to make you feel happy in the next 30 minutes. Like us women don't already feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, let's add save someones life? Are you fricking kidding me? What's next world peace? How about we just try taking a bath or eating some chocolate or hugging a pet? Really? fuck I give up.
8. Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you're smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.
Wait a second isn't this basically the same as number three. You could not even come up with 9 original ideas? This is bullshit. Okay, research shows that a fake smile boosts your mood. I am trying this, so if you see me today with a fake smile plastered to my face, go with it, No I have not been drinking and no I did not take a xanax.
9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need to" learn about
WTF?!!!! Thirty minutes? Go to the bookstore. Seriously, I am in my pajamas it will take more than 30 minutes to shower, get dressed, drive to the bookstore, stop at Starbucks. Then you want me to learn something new! First you want me to save a life and learn something new all in the next 30 minutes just to improve my mood. Author of this article, you are a demented moron.
I am just going to take a 30 minute nap and eat the other child's cupcake.
http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/things-can-happy-next-minutes-10000001809876/index.html#.TsKN5SwRmcM.facebook
Guess What?
Guess What?
I am still fat. In fact I have gained weight. WTH.
I took Henry, the 9 year old, to Target last week. He was totally sucking up because he wanted a new Lego, so he came around to the driver's side of the van and opened my door for me. How sweet is that?
I stepped out of the car and thanked him politely.
"Mom, that is so cool"
"What is Henry?" I say as I smile lovingly at my little gentleman while looking around to see if any other Moms saw how wonderful my child was.
"I can tell how heavy you are because when you got out of the car the entire thing raised higher"
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, when you got out, the car got higher on that side, and since you were the only one in the car that means you were the reason the car was sitting lower. That's cool." As he heads towards Target. He pauses and wonders about the stricken look on my face. He is also very tuned in to people's feelings. This time he speaks slower hoping I might understand if he does.
"Mom get it, cause you put pressure on the tires... What's wrong?"
"Henry I get it, but I think that you just called me fat"
Henry totally horrified thinking of the lost Lego "NO Mom, it just means you are big enough to move the car....." He trailed off, then said
"Mom I don't think you are fat, can we still look at the Legos?"
I am still fat. In fact I have gained weight. WTH.
I took Henry, the 9 year old, to Target last week. He was totally sucking up because he wanted a new Lego, so he came around to the driver's side of the van and opened my door for me. How sweet is that?
I stepped out of the car and thanked him politely.
"Mom, that is so cool"
"What is Henry?" I say as I smile lovingly at my little gentleman while looking around to see if any other Moms saw how wonderful my child was.
"I can tell how heavy you are because when you got out of the car the entire thing raised higher"
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, when you got out, the car got higher on that side, and since you were the only one in the car that means you were the reason the car was sitting lower. That's cool." As he heads towards Target. He pauses and wonders about the stricken look on my face. He is also very tuned in to people's feelings. This time he speaks slower hoping I might understand if he does.
"Mom get it, cause you put pressure on the tires... What's wrong?"
"Henry I get it, but I think that you just called me fat"
Henry totally horrified thinking of the lost Lego "NO Mom, it just means you are big enough to move the car....." He trailed off, then said
"Mom I don't think you are fat, can we still look at the Legos?"
Monday, September 26, 2011
Hello Naked, I am still here...
Life as usual has been kicking team Dawn's butt for the past year. Much of which I can not blog about due to potential legal reasons as in the people I want to talk about might sue me.
Plus I have been so stressed out that I have just not had the energy to write. What I realized at 2:00 am today that writing gives me energy. Also, this past month has been chalk full of so much great blog material that I just can't resist. They will be in no particular order and names will be changed to protect the innocent.
Imagine a week or so ago getting an invite to a Facebook Event "Jenny's Milestone Birthday Celebration" That would be Jenny and the milestone is 40.
Okay, I am all for those kind of events, I feel like I am still celebrating mine 8 months later. Let's open it what is the plan....hmmm, Tuesday night, yikes that is junior high curriculum night....hmmmm she is 8th grade and goes to High School next year do I really care and I can convince Scott to take one for the parental team and go alone. We may be separated but get along better than most married people. Wonder what the plan is, Jenny's fun....Dancing, drinks, food, ladies bowling?
Try to follow my thought process here....
Here is the message from the planner, Lori.
Well, the short version would be that Jenny has a "Milestone" birthday coming up next Tuesday and we thought we'd take a field trip to the Olympus Spa in Lynnwood to celebrate! For $35 you can purchase a day pass and hang out at their awesome pools, steam room, sauna, and cold pool! And you can add services onto your day pass like a massage if you want to live it up!
It's like Henry Moses Pool but for mommies!
Even though this is set up as a private event, feel free to ask other to join and I did not mean to intentionally leave anyone out, but I'm not sure if I'm FB friends with everyone so I just did a few of you on this first round! :-)
Wow she has my interest now. Field trip. Spa. Celebrate. Like my favorite water park but no kids. Uh oh. Red Flags.... Spa. Lynwood. Cold Pool. Field trip.
Let's check out what kind of spa sells day use pass, and is Lynnwood.
http://www.olympusspa.net/lynnwood/index.aspx
Pretty. "Welcome to a Unique Women only day spa.
Olympus invites you to experience a new spa culture, which will bring you full of pleasant surprises. "
I don't like surprises. Let's click on Things to Know.
Things to Know:
1. Please make reservations for the services. Okay this seems reasonable, they can't guess we are on our way right?
2. Please arrive one hour prior to services. Okay, again extra time at a spa, no argument here.
3. Women experiencing their period will not be allowed to enter the pools. Say what? Um have they not seen the tampon commercials where women are encouraged to swim and frolic on the beach?
4. Please don't wear swim suits or any footwear. Excuse me? WTF? If I don't wear a swimsuit what do I wear while enjoying the various pools, steam rooms, etc. Um Lori, you online?
5. Customers who have consumed alcohol will not be allowed to enter. Little uncertain here, see number 4.
6. Bring a plastic water bottle. What? they are too cheap of a spa to give us a cup of water? Oh wait it's Lynnwood.
7. If possible do not shave at least 24 hours prior to Body Scrub, Body Moisturizing, and any facial services. Okay red flags, I see no swimsuit and no shaving that equals.....
8. Before bodyscurb service, an hour of soaking (preparation) time is required. WTH? You have to presoak for what reason? How many layers are they planning to scrub off. And what is a "bodyscurb" poor web page master or a Korean scrub of some sort?
9. Gratuity not included in the service price. Duh, see "spa" in the place's title.
Click, Click, Lori you online?
Lori - Please say you can go
Dawn - Lori, looked at the website, what's with the no swimsuit part?
Lori - I don't know
Dawn - Um I think you do
Lori - I think you go naked in the water areas
Dawn - WTF? Are you kidding?
Lori - I am not 100% sure you can bring your swim suit just in case.
Dawn - It says no suits and no periods, that screams naked to me. I don't want to be naked
Lori - It is for Jenny's birthday, she is our hippie friend.
Dawn - yes but the two of you do hot yoga every day and are skinny. I do not and am not. I don't think my self esteem can do it.
I proceed to change my "maybe" rsvp to a polite "hell no" with a comment that "I love you ladies but I do not want to be naked with you."
The night before the event Lori is texting me, please come it is just Jenny and I. Three makes it a birthday party. You had a stressful weekend and you river rafted (another entry to come), it will be good for your muscles and stress. We can make it a man hater night for you!
Bring your swimsuit I am sure the naked part is not mandatory.
Oh Lori, you had me at Three makes it a party. Fine I am in, I better not regret this.
I am getting her the movie Bridesmaids for her gift because this seems like a potential scene from that movie.
Lori picks us up at the dance studio at 5:30 and drives us to Lynnwood in her fancy expensive car. Hmmm, maybe not a good idea in Lynnwood, but an excellent way to have me trapped and unable to leave without her permission.
We find it, it is in a side strip mall area where a Chuck E Cheese is the main attraction and the building looks like it may have been a skating rink at one time. UH OH HO. Red Flags. Dawn has her snarky hat on but I am trying to be good for Jenny's birthday. They are already worried about me and the heat rooms and the pacemakers, they need to not sense my naked discomfort issues. I am not here to ruin her Birthday Party.
We walk in and two Korean gals greet us. Well no, not exactly greet us. Let's say acknowledge us without a smile and say "who are you" and "how you pay". where is my red flag.
You fill out this form. I just sign it, now Lori normally somewhat reserved says not using her inside voice, Dawn you may have trouble with number 7 on this form. hmmm...
#7 No public displays or private liaisons between guests will be tolerated. You will be asked to leave.
Hold your panties, what? Wait this is an all women's club. OHHHHH I get it, no lesbo action allowed. Gee Thanks Lori, that certainly did not get the two desk jockeys to up their service levels at all.
They aslo hand us a towel and a robe that no joke is the kind issued in hospitals or when you have your mammogram, Jenny is 40 so maybe that was the surprise. And a what? You want me to wear this cloth cap over my hair at all times, lovely. I am having flashbacks of preparing for my many surgeries.
She starts our tour by having us leave our shoes at the door. OOOkkkaayy, where are the flip flops, spa slippers, disposable pedi sandals? Nope, barefoot, really, everywhere, yuck.
She proceeds to show us the different rooms we can us with our robes on or off.
I am going to cut and paste from the website to do these descriptions justice. As we pass thru the waiting area in the center of the spa I see the windows to the pool area and proceed to go take a peek. F%$k, yep that is a whole lotta naked. Lots of Naked women with cloth caps on their heads. Crap I paid I am committed. Think Jenny, Jenny would do anything for you Dawn. Suck it up and get naked for her, it will be the most unusual thing you do for a friend's birthday.
We all went into the dressing room, there was some nervous laughter, about the three of us getting naked, well except for Jenny, she is the real deal hippy friend, toured with the Grateful Dead for over 100 shows. Communal bathing in hot springs was a regular occurrence. Plus she is a massage therapist, a duhla and midwife. Naked is not problem for her.
First problem was they gave me a small robe so it wouldn't even close, I had to trade it for the plus size one they gave skinny Jenny. I knew those two at the front desks were bitchy.
Mud and Jade Room
Description:
Dry Mud and Crystals such as Jade, Rose quarts, Aventurine, Aquamarine, Germanium emit Far-Infrared Rays (known as Earth Energy) to promote blood circulations and release the toxins that are locked within the body. It is about 170'F.
Uh, not going in there with a pacemaker, but it says 5 minute limit so I will stand out here and if you two are not out in 5 minutes I will drag your limp bodies out.
Hmm, they have crystals and stones in the walls, and this is suppose to help release toxins. Uh oh, snarky go away. What a load of crap. Knock Knock, ladies it has been 6 minutes don't make me drag you. So Lori, did you feel the jade and quartz (or quarts as the webmaster with issues with english says) Lori, was that an eye roll I just saw. Jenny? Oh yeah I could feel it the air felt more dense. Jenny really? did you smoke something? That was probably the cells in your lungs burning up at 170 degrees. I like that room over there, it's blue and has a cheesy picture of a penguin on it but it is 60 degrees. If you lose me I will be in there.
Sand Room
Description:
This room has sea sand underneath a layer of canvas. . It is about 150'F. Sand and variety of crystals on the wall provide complete fomentation that relieve arthritis, irregular menstral cycles, severe cramping, and light headedness
oooh, this will be like the beach. Let's go in. It will be like the beach. and I hate menstrual cramps or (menstral if you are the webmaster isn't that some musical theater term). Damn there are two other woman in there. oooo, ocean sounds, maybe I can relax in here. cozy into the floor. um Jenny they keep repeating the same 20 seconds of ocean it sounds like a toilet flushing no the ocean. "Dawn this is the best so far, shhh" Oh man, this room makes me have to pee.
Salt Room
Description:
This room has sea salt underneath a layer of canvas and Calcite crystals on the wall. It is designed to alleviate a range of respiratory and skin conditions, including asthma and psoriasis, and to reduce the effects of stress.
ooooh, the salt room. I like this, feels like you are walking on bean bag material. Dang those others here again. I am going to try laying on my stomach cause I can cozy into this warm floor like a big heating bad. And we know I need to reduce the effects of stress. And who knows what Calcite Crystals on the walls can do to me. Maybe I will have an out of body experience. Nope never mind had cardiac arrest once, I take that back. Okay every time I move it sounds like when you move in one of those vinyl 70s bean bag chair which makes me giggle. which makes Lori giggle. Um Hey Jenny how dense is the air in here? tee hee hee. Will I be less bitchy when I leave this room. Hey Lori, I am hungry. Okay clearly I can't meditate or be quiet. The two non party group leaves us alone. Which just makes me giggle more.
Charcoal Room
Description:
Activated charcoals on the walls and elvan stones on the floor create negative irons and Far-Infrared Rays that are best to neutralize free radicals in the body and strengthen immune systems. This room is also good for heavy metal detoxification.
hmmm.. Heavy metal detoxification? Do I need this? I really never had any Black Sabbath or Kiss obsessions. I kind of had a thing for the lead singer of White Snake and that was only because a friend told me her sister did him. Ok, Lori says sit up against the hot wall. so that we can neutralize free radicals and get rid of negative ions. I ask "will this make me less bitchy and more positive when we are done" Yep that drove the last stranger out of the room. Jenny hands us rocks to hold. Like you get out of your yard. I proceed to see if I can hold it between my cleavage without dropping it. Bored easily Dawn? I then start playing with the charcoal on the wall. I am convinced it was Styrofoam painted black.
Elvan Stone Reading Room
Description:
This room is designed for reading and resting. Floor is made of elvan stones. It is about 90'F. It offers unique properties specifically for the benefit of the skin, particularly for minimising freckles and blotchy skin as well as anti-ageing benefit
Okay 90 degrees I can do this and my skin needs all the help it can get and what the hell is an elvan stone. and I did bring my new diet book and I am tired. Uh where do we lay/sit, the floor is stone, I need pillows and a blanket. This is bullshit. Reading room my ass.
Meditation Room
Description:
This room is designed for meditation. Clear your mind and spirit. Underneath a layer of bamboo, the floor is made of Elvan stones, which offer unique properties that provides comfortable and relaxing environment.
Honestly never saw this room. I may have been banned at this point.
Cabin Room
Description:
If your body needs a quick cool down, the Cabin Room at 70 degrees, awash with the musky scent of its pine floors and walls. The Olympus Journal book is available for you to write and share your thoughts with other women from all over the world.
Okay this was a highlight. The sucky part was that it literally looked like a cabin or exactly like one of the hokey rooms at the Great Wolf Mountain Lodge. Oh the flashbacks are hitting.
But the best part besides that the two burly women leave when we enter is that they have a stack of leather journals. You are encouraged to share your thoughts. I am thinking they don't want to hear mine but I will love the reading material. Okay the last two gals wrote some poetry crap about mother earth and puppy blood and wombs. Okay am I on candid camera? Wait there are some nice ones about coming after beating cancer or a treat after chemo, that is so inspiring. Oh look lots of doodles of naked women with the 70s porn star triangle look going on. Okay this is fun but I have lost Lori and Jenny's interest because Jenny says it is time for her to go soak before her scrub.
So off the aquatics center. Shit you do have to leave your hospital robe and belongings in the cubby. Uh ladies I will be right back this requires a facebook post and desperate texts to two friends that didn't think I would really do this.
Okay Jenny drops the robe and is off. Lori, you first. No, you first. Okay drop robe, hold towel in front of body, it is not big enough to wrap around me so Lori enjoy the full moon.
No one else has their towels they are just walking around all naked except for that stupid cap. Evidently finding a long hair in the pool is bad, but shouldn't their be caps for elsewhere. Cause from what I am seeing I should be passing out Stacy's business cards for waxing services at her place "Skin and Bare It".
There is a thing of Wugwort water and women are scooping it up and splashing themselves with it, it looks like poop water and omg I need flip flops.
I am going to the pool with no one in it, I don't care that it is the cold water pool. that will make me look perky. Drop towel, omg my friends saw me naked. Wow my friends look nice. Omg that women has more hair under her pits than my husband. Oh please let the running commentary in my head stop and don't gasp outloud at that pretty ladies full back tattoo.
Okay, going to a pool with Lori. We have a stand off as to who is going to drop their towel first, it is a draw. I did suggest we sit on opposite sides of the spa.
Okay, trying the steam room with Lori, then sauna. Time for Lori and Jenny's services, massage for Lori, scrub for Jenny. Yeah me reading time, I am going back to the salt room that felt like laying on a big heating pad.
When Jenny got out of her scrub, I asked her how it was. She sat down put her towel overhear face and was rocking slightly back and forth. I was "what, what happen". Jenny "she touched/scrubbed literally everywhere except my clitoris"
wow really, would the clitoris have cost extra?
Jenny, blushing and still rocking, I may have just been molested on my fortieth birthday.
I find this hilarious since she is the least self conscious of our group. This was her idea. Although I want to ask how soft her ass crack is now. But mostly to embarrass her some more. I was feeling a little resentful at the images of too much naked now burned into my retinas.
Oh no, Lori is a little conservative, it that happens during her massage we may have to get her some xanax and some therapy. Lori comes out looking like a relaxed noodle and proceeds to say she had a sheet of paper to fill out where she was able to check the boxes that corresponded with the body parts she was not comfortable having touched. Happy Birthday to Jenny!
At this point I tell them I am totally traumatized and if this birthday party does not involve cake now while fully dressed someone was going to get hurt.
So we ended an evening of naked woman bonding at PF Changs Bar with chocolate cake and fortune cookies.
The next day when I ran into Lori, we both shielded our eyes and said Hi without looking at each other, heee heee heee!
We did earn the respect of many of our friends, I showed Jenny how much I care about her and I decided this qualified to mark one of the things off my 40 uncomfortable things to do when I am 40 list. Skinny Dipping! Done, Check!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Walk of Shame...
No, not the same Walk of Shame from college days. This was the walk of shame in Hot Yoga tonight. Yes after several months hiatus aka not moving my lazy fat ass, I finally went back. I stopped going when I injured my hip and the Doctor said I needed to take a break from it. Now she was not specific about the length of that break. But since it has not hurt since about May 1st, I figured it was time. I have been telling my yoga friends, Jenny and Lori (for those of you who read January entries, that would be the one with the nice boobs and the one with the great legs) but I am off topic, I have been telling them for over two months to keep asking me to go, that I was ready to give it another shot. Yesterday a living social coupon was sent to my email for the Yoga Studio, it was a sign. So I bought and I went tonight.
And Guess What? It is still Hot! As hot as the face of the sun, I am sure of it. Okay I exaggerate but it is something you can't really understand until you have tried it at least twice. Jenny suggested I try going with wet hair and I believe it was Lori who said room temperature water was better than ice cold water during the class. Guess what gals? My hair was dry after 5 minutes in the room and the water was luke warm within 10 minutes. But thanks for the suggestions.
What life lesson did I learn from Hot Yoga today? I learned that goals are good to have, but it is about being flexible in Yoga and that means being willing to adjust your goals for the long term gain. So here is how it sounded in my head tonight. I hope I don't worry you too much.
6:15 Park. You can still bail? No you can not, you told Lori and Jenny you were going and you posted it on Facebook. Lori was at the 12:30 and Jenny was at the 4:30, they won't know. Plus your 30 days on the certificate doesn't start until day one. Day one, Dawn, remember in February when the reporter asked you on the local news if you had any advice for other people in your situation? (you know the fat ass situation) and what did you say? You said "have as many day ones as you need, start over as many times as it takes" You talk a big game bitch now get out of the van.
6:20 I wonder if the instructor will remember me. Of course she will, you fainted and they almost had to call 911 and your pacemaker kicked in and your husband had to come pick you up and you cried like a baby in their lobby. yeah, I think she will remember me. Just stand here and stare at her until she looks up. Try to look sheepish, like you know you should feel guilty that you have not been in so many months.
6:21 "HI DAWN Welcome BACK! How's the Pacemaker? " Yep she remembers you, shit. "Yeah it's good I am very nervous about being back" "well take it easy and sit down as much as you need to just don't lie don't or close your eyes. You look like you have lost weight" Uh huh, that way you know I am still conscious and no you skinny ho I have not lost weight but thanks for reminding me. I know you are thinking why did I have to come back.
6:25 Damn Damn Damn, the coolest spots are taken, okay I am taking the back spot behind Andy Kaufman (see post..."casting call.." archive Jaunary) Damn it is hot in here. I can do this, I can do this. Dang look at that, I look so fat. Holy cow, that is not a good look, I think I have two chins. okay, if I look up and tilt my head this way it is not so bad. Man I have a HUGE forehead, remind me to never get rid of my bangs. Yep, slicking my hair back wet is not helping. Okay there are two chicks gabbing away so they must be new and not know that is bad etiquette. Maybe they will do worse than me in the class, that will make me feel better. That's not nice. Damn it's hot.
6:27 Look at that dragon tattoo down that guys back. Look at those skimpy outfits those gals are wearing, see if you keep doing this you can wear those too. Go Dawn!
6:29 Okay, laying here is not so bad, I can do this, it is not that hot.
6:30 damn it is starting. Okay, this will come back to you. 26 poses two times, you got this. You did great back in January and February. Okay, goal, I need a goal and I also need to stop looking at that guy's ass. Okay, goal is....Do all the poses in each series, maybe rest on the last one. let's do this.
6:32 oh crap I forgot about the breathing. My sinuses hurt, this sucks. Okay, come on, you can handle the breathing. Gawd it is hot in here. I hope she opens the door soon for that cool air break
6:35 Shit when is she opening the door?
6:40 Okay stretching pose, warm up poses. Why am I breathing hard? Crap it is hot
6:41 Okay new goal, do the first series of each posture and stay standing during the second.
6:45ish There is no damn clock in here, gawd is it almost over? What? we are still in the stretching only poses. Oh gawd I can't do this. I might die. Shoot I didn't say goodbye to Tamese today, she is going to be so mad at me if I die.
6:55ish What the hell time is it?
6:56ish It's hot
6:58 Uncle, I am calling Uncle on this crap. I am sitting. Ha, that chick in the bikini is sitting too. I don't care if she is sixty. Oh look that guy is dropping too. Okay sitting, don't lie down, yes the room is spinning, noooo noooo don't close your eyes, don't faint. Stay sitting up, eyes open, don't be a wuss
7:00ish Oh gawd why isn't she opening the door. "Dawn are you okay?" Okay, give her a thumbs up, good job. I should have used my middle finger, maybe later if she does not open the Damn Door!!
7:05ish Thank you for not going to the class Jenny and Lori were at. If they were here I would be losing it cause they would be looking at me with concern on their sweet faces and then I would start crying like I did to Lori on Sunday and then they will be more worried and it will ruin their Yoga and I would feel bad and then I would cry harder and probably hyperventilate and crying is going to waste hydration. It's hot in here.
7:09ish WTH does Bikram not believe in clocks. What kind of deranged cult leader is he. remember that article that said people get aroused doing Bikram Yoga? Yeah right. Who? Cause I would like to know. Cause that is the last thing I am thinking about right now.
7:10ish Okay get up, you have sat out two postures. you can do this one it's easy.
7:11 ish Good girl, that's it one leg, arms up, point your finger at the ceiling, no not the middle one. there we go balance, lock your knee, pivot. Oh boy is the room suppose to spin like that
7:12ish Okay new goal. STAY sitting, do not lay down
7:12ish okay laying down does not make the room stop spinning and it is not any cooler
7:13ish Can't she see I am suffering here, open the fricking door. I am not going to make it. OMG, I have never seen anyone leave the class before. They say you can't leave. What is this a cult, didn't someone die in a sweat lodge in Phoenix. You said you wanted to make the police blotter this year, but not like this.
7:14ish Okay, new goal, just stay in the room for the entire 90 minutes, who cares if I sit, lie down, stand on my head. Do NOT leave the room. If you don't leave the room you can have a cupcake tomorrow.
7:15ish OMG I am going to die, I must leave the room. Did I turn off the gas on the bbq today?
7:16ish NOOOO, stop being a drama queen. you can not leave the room. Okay, new goal if she opens the door before the end of this posture I will not leave the room.
7:22ish OPEN THE DOOR NOW!
7:23ish Okay, new goal, you can leave the room if you make it until they are done with all the standing postures, that way it will be less noticeable
7:25ish okay, stop rocking, and don't start whimpering or keening out loud. Have some pride. Keening that is a cool word, never understood it but I am pretty sure the noise I am trying not to make right now is what they mean in my novels when they say keening. Okay look at me Sara Beth, look at me, can't you tell I am in trouble here and I need you to open the door or tell me I should leave the room. If you tell me to leave I really didn't fail. LOOK AT ME!!!!
7:28ish okay laying down, do NOT PUKE. Okay what happens if you puke, no way I can get to the door and bathroom in time. What if I am sprinting for the door and I puke on someone, omg that would be awful. Don't puke, you have an extra towel, you can wad it up and puke into it. That's disgusting. Better than puking on Andy
7:29ish Okay, I am raising my hand. Yeah, Sara Beth come here don't make me yell it out. "I don't think I can make it, I think I have to go" "are you sure? you need to go? okay walk slowly" "Yes, I need to go"
7:29 Walk of shame. oh crap, headrush that's why she said move slow. Okay new goal don't faint or puke until you are in the lobby and out of the room.
7:30 Okay, I suck. I made it an hour. I don't care that the lobby gal says people leave the class all the time. She is so a liar. Cause I went to at least 20 classes at various times and not once did I see someone leave the class.
7:40 Okay, the spinning can stop now. New goal, stay in the same building as the class until 8:00 so you can go get your mat. Cause it would be more insult to injury to leave it and have the instructor have to get it. Front desk gal just suggested I could re-enter the class. That's funny, so I can do the walk of shame more than one time. Hell no. Or I mean maybe, when the room stops spinning and my stomach stops revolting. Oh and thanks for pointing out where the garbage can is. Has anyone puked in the lobby? No? Oh, there is always a first lady.
8:00 they are looking at me with disdain. Yeah, look away people. Yes, I made you look good. Uh huh, yes I am the one that ditched. Yep, keep staring. Uh huh. Get your mat and get out!
8:05 So which class are you going to tomorrow? Cause there is no way you can do worse, right?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dawn goes back to College...
Wow, I can not believe I have not blogged since April. It is not because I have not had anything blog worthy, but mainly because life has been so challenging and drama filled that I couldn't actually write about it without offending someone!
But tonight I finally have something that has inspired me to write again after my two month silence.
Recently my good friend, Nancy, got me out of the house and working part time in her Bike Store. It has been terrific. I get to spend time with a fun and good friend, earn a little money and learn about the sport of cycling. I feel like I am actually helping Nancy out and making a difference at the store, even if it is just organizing inventory.
Last Friday I actually got to work with customers. Which consists of me totally trying to fake knowledge of biking while stalling the customer until someone that actually rides a bike can help them. My bike is a Mary Poppins bike, the bikes in this store cost upwards of 10k and you actually have to bend over to reach the handle bars. People actually wear biking apparel to ride them unlike the yoga pants I wear when riding my bike to the Red Hook Brewery. Their bikes are lightweight, have skinny tires and do not have a bell that says "I love Momma" on it. I think I annoyed Nancy the first week because I could not pronounce the brands correctly and I kept making fun of the padding in the crotch of the men's shorts.
I am having a lot of fun and it has turned into the potential for so much more. I am hoping to spend the summer working on their marketing. The website, social media, sales training, etc. One of the owners was so gracious to pay for me to attend a college continuing education class on Effective Website Design. It is an 8 hour class over two days this week at Bellevue College. Not to be mistaken for Bellevue Community College. They dropped the Community part due to some new accreditation. But many of my High School Classmates may still refer to it as the "13th grade".
I loved school. Yes I am a geek, a bookworm, etc. So the idea of taking a college class has had me bouncing off the walls for the last week. I had visions and flashbacks to my University of Washington days. I figured I would be in a classroom full of other eager people, there to soak up the knowledge from an expert instructor and go out and conquer the web. Uh, no, that is not exactly what I found this evening.
So Continuing Education equals Older Students. Now, yes, I am Forty, but in my mind I am still 25. The class takes place at a new campus, each seat had its own computer and the room was very high tech. I took a front row seat and proceeded to watch the other students arrive. I had my pen and paper ready to take detailed notes. I was a sponge ready to soak up the knowledge of Web Design. I should have known it could go south when the first 15 minutes was taken up with the teacher having to keep sending "Lynn" down to the registrar because she was not on the class list and the class was full! She insists that she registered and finally the teacher relents, but then we have to wait while they get a laptop for the extra student. Guess what? One person didn't show so it was totally a mute point.
Class starts, I am a sponge, bring it on.
Teacher - "I want to go around the room, introduce yourself and tell us what you do and why you are attending this class"
Me in my head - GROAN, really? this is more like corporate training not college. Seriously I don't remember having to introduce myself back at UW in Kane Hall. Can you see it? "Hi I am Dawn, I am an Alpha Phi, I like purple" or "Hi my name is Dave, I am totally hungover dude from that awesome frat party last night, Hey, Dawn didn't I see you in the wet tshirt contest?"
So we go around the room and it is like a cast of characters from a Sienfield Episode.
"Hi I am Abigail, but you can call me Abby but not Gail because Gail is like an older women's name. I am here because I just finished college and didn't learn anything practical"
"Hi I am Peggy, my husband travels a lot to India, he has a really important job and I don't really have to work; but since I am now a housewife full time I thought I would start a business which means I need a website. I don't like to be bored."
"Hi I am Lynn" (yes, the one not registered, the one that taking the elevator to the registrar was probably the most exercise she has had in ten years, she is wearing birkenstocks and really shouldn't) "well, I need a website for my Psychic business. Plus I may want to design one for my partner's crafting"
Okay, really, wtf? If you are psychic why didn't you know that you were not registered for the class and called earlier in the day to get it fixed?
"Hi I am Biff" (seriously, the teacher called on him all night because I am certain she liked saying his name) "My parents won't let me live at home unless I am in school" (What he probably didn't say was, "Now I can continue to live there and design my own porn site)
"Hi I am Jerry. I was laid off."
and my favorite...
"Hi I am Dee, I am a graphic designer for the past 20 years. I have only worked in print materials, I figured I should get with the '90s and learn to do websites" Teacher - "uh you do know it is not the nineties right"
Me - (in my head) "Uh, I don't think she does, look at her big bangs"
What did I say, you ask?
"Hi I am Dawn. I was in banking for the last 20 years" (eye roll and giggle) "I suffered from cardiac arrest a little over a year ago, so now I am having a midlife crisis and trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up"
Teacher - "you are okay now right, cause I don't know cpr"
By about an hour in to the class I had learned absolutely nothing except that older students like to participate in class by offering questions, commentary and their opinions on the various topics. It was not like that the first go around at college. First of all teachers did not necessarily encourage classroom participation unless they wanted to call on you to see if you were awake. Plus, they didn't slow down and teach to the lowest intelligence level and they did not encourage dumb questions. You either kept up or you didn't. There was no allowing the students to add their insights. And at UW particularly if it was a math class, it was taught by a Teacher's Assistant that English was not the first language and you knew to pay attention or at least haul your butt down to the student union building to preorder the classroom notes that were taken by someone that clearly understood the math and the accent of the TA.
I tried hard the first hour to be a good student. I followed the rules although my fingers were itching to start blogging on the computer in front of me. I even participated, until Peggy, thinking that being the oldest meant she was the smartest, actually thought I might not know what an Internet browser was and proceeded to explain it to me. Peggy, I did not come here to learn from you, I want to learn from the teacher. Thanks Peggy, and btw it is called sunscreen, maybe you should have tried it.
At this point, my droid phone came out (keyboard does not make noise), I wedged it between my crossed legs and proceeded to start my facebook posts, and some instant messaging to keep me from screaming. My 13 year old text me, she asked how come she can't text in class at Junior High but I can text in a college class. I told her because I was not getting caught.
I have never heard so many people talk that did not know what they were talking about. Everyone seem to have something to comment on and tried to use big words to make it sound like they actually knew something more than how to turn the computer on. My favorite was Lynn, she kept asking questions about designing websites for "Chrome" versus Internet Explorer or Firefox. Really? Come on Lynn. First of all aren't you the one that just told everyone Bing was better than Google? And really? If you are that good of a psychic can't you predict the percentage of users that actually use Chrome? Or do you even know it is a browser? Cause if you were paying attention she just showed us a slide that gave the percentage of users for each browser and Chrome was not in the top three.
So at 9:15 the class ended and yes we were given homework! We also were given the opportunity to fill out a day one survey. Guess who wrote "I would like to have the class taught less by the students and more by the teacher please, thank you"
At least I was a polite snarky bitch.
But tonight I finally have something that has inspired me to write again after my two month silence.
Recently my good friend, Nancy, got me out of the house and working part time in her Bike Store. It has been terrific. I get to spend time with a fun and good friend, earn a little money and learn about the sport of cycling. I feel like I am actually helping Nancy out and making a difference at the store, even if it is just organizing inventory.
Last Friday I actually got to work with customers. Which consists of me totally trying to fake knowledge of biking while stalling the customer until someone that actually rides a bike can help them. My bike is a Mary Poppins bike, the bikes in this store cost upwards of 10k and you actually have to bend over to reach the handle bars. People actually wear biking apparel to ride them unlike the yoga pants I wear when riding my bike to the Red Hook Brewery. Their bikes are lightweight, have skinny tires and do not have a bell that says "I love Momma" on it. I think I annoyed Nancy the first week because I could not pronounce the brands correctly and I kept making fun of the padding in the crotch of the men's shorts.
I am having a lot of fun and it has turned into the potential for so much more. I am hoping to spend the summer working on their marketing. The website, social media, sales training, etc. One of the owners was so gracious to pay for me to attend a college continuing education class on Effective Website Design. It is an 8 hour class over two days this week at Bellevue College. Not to be mistaken for Bellevue Community College. They dropped the Community part due to some new accreditation. But many of my High School Classmates may still refer to it as the "13th grade".
I loved school. Yes I am a geek, a bookworm, etc. So the idea of taking a college class has had me bouncing off the walls for the last week. I had visions and flashbacks to my University of Washington days. I figured I would be in a classroom full of other eager people, there to soak up the knowledge from an expert instructor and go out and conquer the web. Uh, no, that is not exactly what I found this evening.
So Continuing Education equals Older Students. Now, yes, I am Forty, but in my mind I am still 25. The class takes place at a new campus, each seat had its own computer and the room was very high tech. I took a front row seat and proceeded to watch the other students arrive. I had my pen and paper ready to take detailed notes. I was a sponge ready to soak up the knowledge of Web Design. I should have known it could go south when the first 15 minutes was taken up with the teacher having to keep sending "Lynn" down to the registrar because she was not on the class list and the class was full! She insists that she registered and finally the teacher relents, but then we have to wait while they get a laptop for the extra student. Guess what? One person didn't show so it was totally a mute point.
Class starts, I am a sponge, bring it on.
Teacher - "I want to go around the room, introduce yourself and tell us what you do and why you are attending this class"
Me in my head - GROAN, really? this is more like corporate training not college. Seriously I don't remember having to introduce myself back at UW in Kane Hall. Can you see it? "Hi I am Dawn, I am an Alpha Phi, I like purple" or "Hi my name is Dave, I am totally hungover dude from that awesome frat party last night, Hey, Dawn didn't I see you in the wet tshirt contest?"
So we go around the room and it is like a cast of characters from a Sienfield Episode.
"Hi I am Abigail, but you can call me Abby but not Gail because Gail is like an older women's name. I am here because I just finished college and didn't learn anything practical"
"Hi I am Peggy, my husband travels a lot to India, he has a really important job and I don't really have to work; but since I am now a housewife full time I thought I would start a business which means I need a website. I don't like to be bored."
"Hi I am Lynn" (yes, the one not registered, the one that taking the elevator to the registrar was probably the most exercise she has had in ten years, she is wearing birkenstocks and really shouldn't) "well, I need a website for my Psychic business. Plus I may want to design one for my partner's crafting"
Okay, really, wtf? If you are psychic why didn't you know that you were not registered for the class and called earlier in the day to get it fixed?
"Hi I am Biff" (seriously, the teacher called on him all night because I am certain she liked saying his name) "My parents won't let me live at home unless I am in school" (What he probably didn't say was, "Now I can continue to live there and design my own porn site)
"Hi I am Jerry. I was laid off."
and my favorite...
"Hi I am Dee, I am a graphic designer for the past 20 years. I have only worked in print materials, I figured I should get with the '90s and learn to do websites" Teacher - "uh you do know it is not the nineties right"
Me - (in my head) "Uh, I don't think she does, look at her big bangs"
What did I say, you ask?
"Hi I am Dawn. I was in banking for the last 20 years" (eye roll and giggle) "I suffered from cardiac arrest a little over a year ago, so now I am having a midlife crisis and trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up"
Teacher - "you are okay now right, cause I don't know cpr"
By about an hour in to the class I had learned absolutely nothing except that older students like to participate in class by offering questions, commentary and their opinions on the various topics. It was not like that the first go around at college. First of all teachers did not necessarily encourage classroom participation unless they wanted to call on you to see if you were awake. Plus, they didn't slow down and teach to the lowest intelligence level and they did not encourage dumb questions. You either kept up or you didn't. There was no allowing the students to add their insights. And at UW particularly if it was a math class, it was taught by a Teacher's Assistant that English was not the first language and you knew to pay attention or at least haul your butt down to the student union building to preorder the classroom notes that were taken by someone that clearly understood the math and the accent of the TA.
I tried hard the first hour to be a good student. I followed the rules although my fingers were itching to start blogging on the computer in front of me. I even participated, until Peggy, thinking that being the oldest meant she was the smartest, actually thought I might not know what an Internet browser was and proceeded to explain it to me. Peggy, I did not come here to learn from you, I want to learn from the teacher. Thanks Peggy, and btw it is called sunscreen, maybe you should have tried it.
At this point, my droid phone came out (keyboard does not make noise), I wedged it between my crossed legs and proceeded to start my facebook posts, and some instant messaging to keep me from screaming. My 13 year old text me, she asked how come she can't text in class at Junior High but I can text in a college class. I told her because I was not getting caught.
I have never heard so many people talk that did not know what they were talking about. Everyone seem to have something to comment on and tried to use big words to make it sound like they actually knew something more than how to turn the computer on. My favorite was Lynn, she kept asking questions about designing websites for "Chrome" versus Internet Explorer or Firefox. Really? Come on Lynn. First of all aren't you the one that just told everyone Bing was better than Google? And really? If you are that good of a psychic can't you predict the percentage of users that actually use Chrome? Or do you even know it is a browser? Cause if you were paying attention she just showed us a slide that gave the percentage of users for each browser and Chrome was not in the top three.
So at 9:15 the class ended and yes we were given homework! We also were given the opportunity to fill out a day one survey. Guess who wrote "I would like to have the class taught less by the students and more by the teacher please, thank you"
At least I was a polite snarky bitch.
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